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This article was originally published on November 24, 2020.
We are recirculating it now timed to the release ofTrap.
The Christmas rom-com is a delicate genre.
In the process, she nearly alienates Stewart.
I dont care if your dad is a megachurch pastor.
Even he would be like, … okay, NICE.
Im here to talk about something else.
Most ofHappiest Seasonis high-key gay in that it centers on two lesbians making out in a basement in secret.
Looks, talent, brains, Hartnetts got it all!
reads the poster, which has seemingly been ripped from aTeen Beat.
Abby, trying not to laugh, breathes, Wow.
Jane presses her face against Joshs singed brow.
I know, right?
Is it hot in here, or is it just him?
More important, theylook very similar.
But back to the gay part.
No matter how you slice it, I realized, Josh Hartnett was the perfect gay gateway drug.
I was absolutely into him.
Hes in the Heath LedgerKeanu ReevesTom Hardy school of men that women who are into women find hot.
note: Its a flower, but a feather is equally gay].
Everything about that was gay, thanks!
At first, Teo seemed loath to admit her lust for Hartnett: Okay … honestly?
Yes, I was into him.
Not as intensely as Orlando Bloom, but it existed for me.
That stupid flower scene was the only PG-13 lesbian sex scene of the early 2000s.
She added that he also has a very soft butch look in that movie.
Our conversation quickly turned into a discussion of Sossamons superior hotness.
That was only my second movie, but Josh is very charming.
I totally get it, she said, expertly dodging the question.
I havent talked to him in a long time, but I remember hes incredibly charming and warm.
Sensing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I asked what she recalled about filming the orgasm-with-a-flower scene.
I was nervous because I was like,How exactly are we going to do this?
she said, laughing.
In my real life, I cant imagine in a million years [orgasming via flower].
Everyones preferences are different.
I remember being on set, it was very difficult not to laugh.
I was like, Who would do this?
And then the director kept saying, You know, some people might, some people might.
And I was like, All right.
(See below.)
Without prompting, several friends brought up the fact that Hartnett andDuVall are twins.
I do think theres something sort of girlie about him, said Marian.
He looks like the dyke fromBut Im a Cheerleadera little bit.
Everyone is gay, Rachel.
it’s possible for you to quote me on that, followed by a flamingo emoji.
Josh, call me.
Just to tell me if youre gay.)
There were a few outliers on the Josh Hartnett Queer Root front.
Squints make you gay, she said.
If you squint hard enough, everyone is gay.
My Australian friend Estelle took issue with Hartnetts irreducible Americana energy.
He came across as too wholesome America for me, she said.
Probably most telling is Elijah Wood.
I was not, she said.
I then texted a bunch of my gay male friends and asked the same question.
Most expressed ambivalence or light appreciation.
His partner, Chanan, agreed.
No strong feelings but only because he reminds me of Ashton Kutcher, he said.
(He did not elaborate.)
I kind of forgot about him until just now, though.
(I take issue with the description of Hartnett as scraggly; he is more square.)
