Vanderpump Rules
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This week, lets start things a little differently.
Lets look at the things that we love and are grateful for.
Shes going to run around creating drama like its her job because itisher job.
This girl is a star.
Give me more of her.
Hashtag Justice for Danica.
This does not mean that Kristen is a good person.
(And we thank her for her contributions to the cause of our ongoing entertainment.)
However, I am glad that we get to see the emotional impact of Katies cruelty.
This is the Lisa that we fell in love with in the first place.
And thats it, boys and cocktail waitresses.
I will arrange the rooms, the transportation, the ceremony.
I will get this done, she says.
That is exactly her strategy as an executive producer of this show, too.
She will get it done.
She will get the drama made.
The problem is, shes not doing a very good job of it.
Guess what I was right!
This line of reasoning makes no sense at all.
Its like some sort of backdoor pilot to a show about the cast of this Vegas establishment.
The day after the wedding and subsequent party, Lisa calls Max about some invoices.
While hes giving her a virtual tour, she says, What is that in the bed?
Max tries to play coy and is like, Oh, its nothing.
But we all know its a girl.
Finally, we get the big reveal.
This thing is more staged than a model unit of a timeshare tower in Cabo.
It is more manufactured than a fleet of Honda Civics.
It is more scripted than, well, every single drama on television.
I know that reality shows are produced.
We are intelligent, savvy, and hip to the magic of the reality television arts and sciences.
Dont insult our intelligence by trying to pass this off as organic.
This is not love, this is mechanics to make a story.
That is great television.
This is, well, its just painful.
Its sad and desperate and jerky and obvious, and I do not like it one bit.
Its one thing not to care about any of the new characters.
Its another thing to be lied and condescended to by the shows producers.
Suddenly, Sandoval broke their embrace.
Why are we doing this?
Because were in love, Schwartz said, but it sounded a bit like a question.
Are we, or is this just a construct?
Is our love real or is it fictional?
Schwartz got down on his knees and unbuckled Sandovals belt.
