The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
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I finally get it.
The social commentary and larger metaphorical value lurking just beyond the surface?
Over at the Barlow residence, Lisa and John sit down to debrief about last night.
Lisa seems considerably more disgruntled by Whitney drunkenly walking into a room than by Angies accusations of catering sabotage.
John does not care about cousins or caterers.
She explains that shes too tired to give a baking lesson.
Why, you ask?
Oh, dont worry.
I transcribed the entire scene, which is somehow not from a leaked screenplay of yet anotherArrested Developmentreboot.
Mary: Im so tired.
One of the members in our church, their daughter, like, had a crash!
Whitney [shocked]: When!?
Mary: Today, like last night.
She was ejected from the sunroof.
And fell downnnn to a neighborhood … 30 feet … drop off the freeway.
Bobbi: Is she still alive?
Mary [shakes head while maintaining eye contact]: No.
Im excited to be here.
[Open-mouth hip shimmy with hand raised] Wear your seatbelt.
MY JAW IS STILL ON THE FLOOR.
Mary somehow comes right back to planet Earth and calls bullshit on Whitney not caring if Lisa likes her.
Whitney admits that she needs Lisas respect or acceptance, and girl, no!
I promise you do not need this mean lady to like you.
Its a losing game with a forever-moving target the only way to win is not to play.
At last, the day has arrived for the Jen and Brooks showdown.
Who will come out on top?
The answer is no one.
No drinks are thrown.
No voices are raised.
Coach Shah wants to pal around and not talk about the ladies.
Its a doomed unionization attempt because all the optimism in the world doesnt change how Bravo does numbers.
But she loves it.
Okay, I must know.
Did anyone figure out the source material of Heathers sexual awakening?
I did a deep dive into both chicken sex pop-up book and Tapsboob scene and came up empty.
But about how to go from mom who is horrified by sex to mom who is horrified by abstinence.
Aside from the weird hatred of Capri Sun, Meredith seems to give great advice.
Im no expert, but perhaps Mary and her fishy-jimmy-purple-thing nonsense would benefit from watching these tapes back.
When Lisa thinks of gin, she thinks of new beginnings.
Girl, I guess?
What way was it meant, then?
Is there an alternative reading to do not claim her as your cousin?
The people need to know.
After a whole lot of word salad, Lisa wonders where they go from there.
Is there a group text?
