The Real Housewives of New York City
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(Think about it.)
Those visors protect you from COVID like the sunbeds at Sizzle Tan protect you from skin cancer.
The only thing worse are the partitions between tables at restaurants.
Remember when there used to be smoking sections at restaurants?
It reminded me of the time I wore amale chastity devicebut, you know, for your head.
The worst of all, though, are the masks the women wear when they finally get to Salem.
Im not even sure what this is.
There are plain ones, cute ones, funny ones, campy ones, ones withdicks printed on them.
The only thing we saw more of than Crystal Pepsi masks this episode was fancy buses.
This bus is like the private plane of buses.
First of all, arent there matchmakers in New York?
Cant someone get Patti Stanger on the line for a house call?
Secondly, this is the Zoom age.
Is there anything this meeting accomplished that couldnt be done over the phone?
This is a meeting, three states away, that could have been an email.
This is a total rock n roll party bus.
I promise you the toilet in that mobile green room has seen more cocaine shits than Charlie Sheens bidet.
Most of this episode is just fun.
Its Sonja and Eboni having fun on their Philly trip.
(Um, have you watchedAmerican Horror Story?
Fucking a ghost, even one as sexy as Evan Peters, never works out well.)
Its during dinner where things finally get dramatic.
I will give them the thorough and thoughtful answer they deserve in the nextHousewives Institute Bulletin.)
This time its Sonja who wants to rid Eboni of what she sees as a false label.
I dont think she realizes that the term has evolved a bit.
Leah points out that Eboni is not willing to eat shit for anyone, nor should she.
However, when Ramona tries to rebut Leahs point, Leah starts screaming at her.
You are what is wrong with this world, she says, not even allowing Ramona to talk.
This, right here, is how you radicalize people like Ramona.
We all know that Ramona is a Trump supporter, but for whatever reason she wont address it.
I dont see why Ramona cant come out and talk about why she would support the man.
Instead she just says, I want a game.
My mother was an immigrant.
She came here with nothing.
This is not the same, Ramona.
She was joined by a brunette and a redhead, because three is the witchiest number.
They wore long, black robes with hoods pulled almost over their faces.
By the way of the crow may we fly, she muttered.
By the way of the wolf, we hunt.
By the way of the deer, we prance.
By the way of the lizard, we dart.
By the way of the Cohen, we interrogate.
By the way of the Housewife, we seek to change.
By the way of the moon, we rise.
Then all of the women joined in, their voices in unison, We rise.
They all chanted as they began spinning in a circle.
