The Real Housewives of Atlanta
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Everyone trying to be the bigger person and facilitate coming together is not it, friends.
I need someone to toss some Rasta Pasta at someones wig or throw some fucking hands.
Watching a bunch of adults give a shot to be on their best behavior is boring.
Whats worse, their best behavior isnt covering up palpable rage; their best behavior is covering up apathy.
They would be totally fine to float through life without interacting.
But there are a couple problems with this.
First and foremost, thats the entire premise of the show.
The other is that theres nothing to heighten or explore with apathy.
Listen, we all have people in our lives who mean absolutely nothing to us.
SoI need these women to have some deeper interactions.
Someone needs to cry, scream, throw someone off the CN Tower.
Weve been setting the table for what feels like half the season.
SIT DOWN AT THE TABLE AND FLIP IT.
Lets get to it.
Were still in Toronto on the rooftop, having drinks as NeNe arrives.
Oh, could this be the moment for upheaval?
NeNe claims she didnt join in on the conversations upstairs because she didnt know what everyone was talking about.
Its the next morning and its time to try on the handmade matching outfits for Carnival.
Cynthia says shes a size 6 but her ass is a size 12.
Kandi tries hers on first and looks amazing.
Your titties are out and sensible footwear?
Yovanna says she needs Nair, and its the first relatable thing Yovanna has said or done.
NeNe pulls Eva aside to offer an apology-esque statement.
Shes going to own what shes done because she wants to move on.
Shes trying to apologize but keeps correcting Eva that she unfollowed her not blocked her.
Marlo has not secured her wig.
This is not the day.
Theres just no other way to say it.
Their guide was a Becky and she was really excited for Porsha to give her a high five!
Cynthia imitates her by going WHOS READY TO DIE!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, NeNe and Eva share a seafood tower in the rotating restaurant in the Skypod.
NeNe is trying to set Eva up to see her side in NeNes feud with Porsha.
Can this bitch just not?
NeNe doesnt see a path to reconciliation with Kenya and I dont think Kenya does either.
Porsha talks to her sister and shes tickled by the flowers but thinks the card is entirely too cheeky.
Dennis wrote Dog-gone, Im sorry.
Lauren wont be happy, because guess who decides to pull up at the function?
Its Dennis with Tanyas fiance.
Dennis is ready to re-propose with the ring he took back from her.
Also, Tanya is excited for their re-engagement because theyre couple friends and shes rooting for Dennis.
Whenever theres these impression games, one person fucks it up and its Yovanna.
Her impression of Porsha is that she likes to eat a lot.
Porsha says shes not asking everybody about deviled eggs because not everybodys deviled eggs aint good.
Its grammatically complicated, but intrinsically true.
Time for the rooftop party!
Kenya, Kandi, and Porsha corner Yovanna and play Good Cop/Bad Cop/Drunk Cop to get her to confess.
Porshas strategy is to just pester Yovanna into confessing she knows who the snake is.
Yovanna is stonewalling them.
She knows who recorded Cynthia but she also doesnt know anything about it.
In addition, shell never tell them anything.
So its either Yovanna or Marlo.
Kenya just slithers her tongue at Yovanna to get her to confess and randomly screams questions at her.
TO BE CONTINUED …
