The Bachelorette
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There is no Bennett.
There is only an abstraction of Bennett.
Theres only a gray suit with white sneakers and no tie despite that not being a look at all.
There is no real Bennett, only an illusion, an entity, a Harvard degree.
There is no brain, only a book on emotional intelligence.
There is no heart, just a gift-wrapped box of mustache socks.
His personality is hazy and indistinct.
So thats not Bennett hiding in the bushes.
Thats theideaof Bennett, and you should be very afraid.
Lets get to it.
Cute dudes, everyone!
Even if youre not into dudes, there are emotional conversations where people are validated and seen!
Validated emotions, everyone!
This two-on-one is still fucking happening.
Tayshia asks Whats in the box?
and Bennett calmly answers, I … uh … a gift for Noah.
Tayshia takes Bennett aside first.
Im not saying Tayshia shouldnt be frustrated or what Bennett is doing isnt incredibly annoying but just … what?
What does she think integrity means?
She sits down with Noah and hes like … fine, I guess?
Bennett, youre doing too many face masks!
The fluid holding your cells together is now just snail mucus.
you’re gonna wanna re-foliate.
Bennett actually says, Holy cow, Im shocked!
like hes a mom in an 80s commercial when the detergent gets all those stubborn stains out.
Its time for the cocktail party!
How long have we been doing this?
Zac gives her a picture of them from their photo shoot and they sit like a couple.
Just look at them, all slouchy and legs crossed toward each other.
According to Cher Horowitz, thats an unequivocal sex invite.
She just fucking makes out with Ben.
When its time for the rose ceremony, everyone counts how many roses and promptly freaks out.
FIVE ROSESSS!!!
THREE OF US ARE GOING HOME!!
There are still so many of you!!
Ed is still legally here!!
But not for long.
Brandon, Riley, Blake, Ivan, and Noah all get roses.
Ed, Spencer, and Demar are all sent home.
No one other than Demar gets an exit interview, so bye, Ed and Spencer!
You, too, were also here.
Its the next morning and there will be two one-on-one dates and a group date.
JoJo arrives to raise the stakes.
There are seven contesticles left and the roses mean youre going to hometowns.
Its the little moments with family that put everything into perspective.
Ben gets the first one-on-one date of the week and everyone is so happy for him!
These men have been through so much together and they just want each other to succeed!
You get out there, Ben, and you make out with our woman so good!
Maybe Tayshia doesnt have to choose and just live in one of those TikTok houses.
Meanwhile, Zac completely breaks down in tears about bringing Tayshia to meet his family.
You love to see it.
They couldnt even open up the spa?
Just let them soak their feet in a warm tub of water?
I would absolutely murder someone just to pick which aromatherapy experience I wanted for my pedicure.
Ben also does that thing where he says hell answer any question she has.
His military career ended sooner than he wanted and he broke his back.
That left him very limited physically and he was living in a really expensive city.
This is incredibly brave and honest of Ben.
Also, this season has seen people open up about seeking therapy in a way that feels very intentional.
Ben gets a rose.
Tayshia and Ben walk over to a little stage and dance to a concert from Adam Hambrick.
Listen up, Adam, you gotta change that name.
No one is going to line up for tickets to see a Hambrick.
What are your fans going to call themselves?
The Honey Baked Honeys?
I also haveliterallynever heard of this person and his Twitter presence is weak.
I guess the list of musicians that are willing to endure a reality-show bubble is QUITE SHORT.
Its time for the group date.
Its a lie-detector test date.
Tayshia sits down to fake the detector and put the guys at ease.
The only inconclusive answer is a no to Do you regret sending anyone home?
just, dont be thinking about Bennett.
Brandon has reservations about Tayshia meeting his family.
At the cocktail party, well get answers to all of this.
Rileys story is the most in-depth.
Riley says that Riley isnt his real name.
He says that people change their names all the time and he just wanted to start from scratch.
He didnt know how to answer, and as a lawyer, Riley believes polygraphs are full of shit.
I love him and want to protect him as he works through these feelings.
As she heads out, shes stopped in her tracks by a Brooks Brothers mannequin hiding in the dark.
I dont want this.
This is not okay.
Tayshia offers to sit down with him, and he goes on about how fresh her room smells.
Even typing that now, I want to throw up a little.
He explains that saying good-bye was bizarre and surreal, and he realizes that he loves her.
Tayshia makes what I can only describe asa face.
Tayshia is going to think about if shes going to allow Bennett to rejoin the competition.
What is it?!
Do you think Bennett is a grown-up so you should be with him just because?
Hes the guy whos dating the romantic lead at the start of the rom-com.
Hes basically a less charismatic Bradley Cooper fromWedding Crashers.Thats not the start of a great love story for him.
And Bennett keeps trying to kiss her!
The To Be Continued!
