The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart
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Part of the delight of being a Bachelor Cinematic Universefan is guessing the ups and downs of the season.
Why am I talking about all of this?
The pieces are all there.
BUT TO WHAT END?
DOES HE LOVE HER NOW?
What am I supposed to do with all of this?
I feel like Ive been handed a board game with pieces from four different games.
I recognize all of these things, but none of them go together.
Lets get to this.
Its the morning after the concert/elimination and there are only four couples left.
Jamie has decided that Natascha is manipulative and shes the reason for Julias departure.
That is the only telegraphing of any drama between Natascha and the other contestants.
Going into this cross-desert trip, Bri and Chris are so in love its almost unreasonable.
Natascha and Ryan are … also humans that exist.
Emotionally speaking, thats the entire narrative thrust of the episode.
Bri and Chris make out for hours while a cameraman has to silently watch them.
But … there are fantasy suites next week and theyre doing this?
Did they win a mini challenge?
Do they have to complete a relationship questionnaire?
Giving a couple thats in a rocky position a date card makes total sense in any otherBachelorfranchise.
But we get absolutely nothing out of this date.
Then its time forTHE OTHER DATE CARDS?Okay, sure.
It seems like everyone gets a date card this week and they all go at the same time?
Natascha and Ryan go play with big trucks and we learn literally nothing about either of them.
There is zero chemistry between them and Natascha has a shark-eyed focus on the competition.
Im all in on Natascha and Ryan.
Bri and Chris go to the Little White Chapel and sing at a random couples wedding.
Bri is wearing white at this other womans wedding and Im furious about it.
He dropped that incredibly casually and Bri had no follow up questions.
Trevor and Jamie get to go to T-Mobile Arena in Vegas and skate around where the Golden Knights play.
Trevor grew up playing hockey so hes excited to skate around carrying Jamie.
She takes this time to tell him that shes falling in love with him.
He says it back to her like four minutes later.
They make out at center ice.
The final date before the performances is Matt and Rudi.
They head to a club and Shaggy is performing.
This is a SURPRISE.
Matt is way too excited to see Shaggy, and I think Shaggy was a musical influence for him.
Shaggy pulls them onstage for Matt to sing along with him.
This isnt a romantic moment and its barely a cool moment.
I hope the Baha Men come next week to give performance advice.
The first words out of Matts mouth are, Youre very courageous.
He tells her that he appreciates her for doing that.
Time for the performances?
Natascha and Ryan have decided that theyre going to really switch up Ed Sheeran feat.
Bri and Chris are assigned Cant Help Falling in Love and Im already drowning in their schmaltz.
So, were reallyrewriting Aries whole thing, huh?
Bri and Chris are first and they cycle through the acceptable love choreography.
Neither of their voices has much power, so they just whisper the song.
But theyre adorable and delicate.
Jamie and Trevor are up next and theyve got First Boy-Girl Dance energy.
Trevor spins her around.
I cant tell if this song is boring or if neither of them have any charisma.
Jamie gets praised for overcoming her nerves to enjoy the performance.
Natascha and Ryan have decided to turn this Ed Sheeran song into a Latin music inspired train wreck.
Natascha takes away Ryans mic and gives it to him while hes playing guitar.
They also try that sing into the same microphone move constantly.
They also turn off the stage lights at one point.
Theyve certainly made a choice in this performance, but unfortunately, theyve made all the choices.
Evan Ross is fucking pissed.
Hes sitting there watching with them his arms crossed with a huge frown on his face.
Ryan is doing full Shawn Mendes cosplay and no one is amused.
Theyre criticized for their performance being … a performance.
She takes control and does a really good job with Lady Gagas HAAAAAAA AH AH AH, AHHH.
Matt gets a huge smile on his face when Rudi is crushing it.
He knows she rules.
Trevor spends every waking moment with Jamie saying that hes proud of her like an older brother.
It gets a little more patronizing with every repetition.
I dont know if Bri and Chris see each other as people and not just romance vessels.
Natascha and Ryan are in one of those 1950s Hollywood arranged relationships.
He admires her and thats really cute to see.
Rudi tells Matt how great the guy from Train thought his guitar playing was.
They view their music as the coming together of two individuals who bring their own accomplishments to the table.
Thats the only sincere thing I have to say about this episode.
Its time for the rose ceremony.
Jamie and Trevor get the first roses followed by Rudi and Matt.
Bri and Chris get the final roses and Natascha and Ryan are going home.
They sit outside the Nomad Hotel and talk about how they cant wait to find each other after this.
Theyre going to be in Nashville!
See you next week for the finale.
I expect 15 new rules that no one was informed about.
