Summer House
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This is officially a Kyle J. Cooke stan account.
(The J stands for Jreamy.)
He is the reality-TV Gronk, and just as blonde and sexy.
Everyones in their 70s-themed best and its all striped tube socks and halter tops.
A mustache makes every face 78 percent more handsome.
That is science, people.
Thats whats great about Kyle.
Kyle never gives up on fun and, as we all know,summer should be fun.
(How many of us did that at least once during quarantine?)
Everyones assigned a role.
Just ask Lala Kent.
I wont do it.
That would be mean.
Lindsay is the busser, which seems a bit menial for her, but okay.
Carls the sommelier, which is an odd choice for someone toying with sobriety.
Luke and Ciara are the servers because, as models, they should know something about being servers.
Danielles the general manager, which basically means that she wears a blazer.
That is what a real man does, not grab his balls and fart in his room like Luke.
We cant get to Luke yet.
First we need to discuss a couple of other people.
Now we find out that his mother is getting remarried.
Carl still isnt over this divorce and the mother is already on marriage number two?
Get it together, Carl.
Any excuse to get dressed up in a pink shorts suit in a pandemic, right?
Dont worry about me.
Later, she goes into their room and Steven is in some weird secret alcove working.
(Is it the bathroom?
She asks if hes on the phone and he says, No, but I wouldnt mind a sandwich.
She starts yelling at him.
(Do not say she got short with Steven.
She goes to complain to Danielle about this request and Danielle says, Oh, are you making sandwiches?
Yes, Lindsay, this is not going well for you.
This is just a normal request from a partner.
What Im trying to say is that Lindsay wants a one-sided relationship where everything is focused on her.
She wants complete attention and devotion from her partner.
But the other thing about Lindsay is that she will never be satisfied.
She will never have enough.
But I dont hate Lindsay.
I admire her dedication to being herself, a ray gun powered by the destroyed will of others.
I also appreciate her journalistic instincts.
He says, I dont know.
I also applaud Paige for her investigative skills.
Enquiring minds want to know.
But, yeah, Luke.
Hes texting both of them good night and both of them good morning.
And, yes, there is footage of it.
He is so busted.
And this is before he hooks up with Lindsay, as the trailer for the season heavily implies.
Hannah sits Ciara down for some girl chat.
Not that many, honestly, he says.
Hannah can now steal the point.
Finally, Luke says to her, Hannah, we never dated.
We were never a couple.
Weve had this conversation numerous times.
Oh, that is some grade A, USDA-certified bullshit right there.
Choose your words carefully, Hannah, he shouts, making things even worse for himself.
This is wasting her time.
If only you were smart enough to know that.
Theres only one thing I know for sure: Kyle J. Cooke would never.
