Southern Charm
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to which she quickly replies, We are stuck here.
A private island party is likeSartresNo Exitbut with bar service.
First of all, its outside, on the beach in July in South Carolina.
DAAAAAaaaDDD the whole way there.
And can we talk about the food?
And some shrimp kebabs youre supposed to pass around the table family style?
Girl, it is too hot and sandy for all of this finery.
Give me some gazpacho in a thermos and Klondike bar and call it an afternoon.
But what really made this party awful was all of the people who were there.
After they hang up, Austen calls Craig to be like WTF, broseph?
Then he switches over to Madison, whos calling him repeatedly.
Madison then reinvites Austen and says he can come if he can stop being so psycho ex-boyfriend about it.
Um, youre the one who just called him repeatedly until he picked up.
I think theres enough psycho to go around.
Then, of course, Austen shows up at the party.
At first I was like, Oh, thats really shitty.
But later, Craig says he was on the phone with Austen and Madison all morning.
Yes, Madison called and disinvited himthe morning of the party.
Girl, that is some ice-cold bullshit right there.
She even had one of the engraved glasses that double as place cards made for him.
Okay, we need to tease this out.
Did Madison just insult Austens dick in public?
I told you man, she is cold as ice, paradise.
Why he would want to be there makes no sense to me, though.
The two of them spend the entire party needling each other.
Austen doesnt want to sit in his seat so he keeps moving around.
Craig tells him that the two of them together are awful and that they shouldnt be together.
Its just the same story over and over with her.
Guys and girls must have different definitions of rational, he says.
Our arguments are actually valid because they fuck with each others lives but their shit is all emotional.
Oh god, shut entirely up, Craig.
She gets up and goes to sit on the boys side of the boat.
Leva goes to sit in front of her to tell Kathryn something shes needed to hear.
Your entire life youve felt like everyone is against you, and theyre not.
Im not against you, she says.
Kathryn and her victim complex need to take that in.
Shes being attacked by every woman on this boat.
