What Should Your Kids Be Watching?
A guide to the complicated world of childrens movies and television.
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Lets start with the redeeming qualities.
First, the honorable mayor ofAdventure Bayis a woman of color.
Second, the gray dog named Rocky is really into recycling.
Otherwise,Paw Patrolis a moral and aesthetic catastrophe.
For the first kid, that meant no TV for two years.
For the second, we almost made it a full six weeks.
Its not the logic ofPaw Patrolthat bothers me.
Does it make sense that the dogs can talk but the cats and chicken cant?
Or that the dogs can operate complex machinery without opposable thumbs?
Or that Marshall the Dalmatian personally carries on his body at all times an apparently inexhaustible supply of water?
No but cartoons dont have to make sense.
Were fine with anthropomorphized animals who wear tops but no bottoms.
And to be fair, there are kids shows with far more puzzling internal contradictions.
What could possibly explain such an oversight?
Nothing nearly so baffling happens inPaw Patrol.
And yetPaw Patrolis monstrous.
Does a farmer need to harvest his crop?
Does a restaurateur need to throw a party?
Toss in a rescue dog.
If Marshall the Dalmatian Firedog is around, why not teach kids what to do if they smell smoke?
Even if the show were not callously amoral, it is physically unpleasant to take in.
Set aside the horrid theme song and the ghoulish laughter that punctuates bad puns children cant yet understand.
and then launch himself down a twisty slide while lights flash and an unseen chorus screams Paw Patrol!
Go go go go go go go!
Go go go go go go go!
Go go go go go go go!
PAaw Patrol, Paw Patrol!
followed by ten solid seconds of sirens, revving engines and more flashing lights.
One last thing: the main cast ofPaw Patrolfeatures roughly a thousand boy dogs and exactly one girl dog.
And, no, Everest and the Mighty Twins dont count.
Skye is the only girl dog who is always around.
And shes a cockapoo.
Whose costume is entirely pink.
Why couldnt the one girl dog be a firefighter or a cop?
This show is utter filth.
My children love it.
