Love Island
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This recap covers the fifth week ofLove Island U.S., episodes 28 through 34.
I dont really feel like giving this any more attention, but the supporting actors didnt rehearse for nothing.
Carrington is not only off-book but actively workshopping some gestural choreo.
This has got to be what all the ladies are talking about when they mention how surprising he is.
Someone youd want to date in the real world?
An unexpectedly earnest thespian with the kind of range that pushes him out of himbo territory?
before of course saying it back.
Meanwhile, Caleb is like, I see your performative nonsense and raise you some genuinely romantic moments.
There are two separate book-metaphor speeches given and only one of them lands.
Then its time to meet some new islanders.
Heres where I admit that Ive never gotten this far in any otherLove Islandseason.
Does it usually seem this bleak?
The video-chat thing is just hitting different right now.
Personal existential crisis aside, Calvin and Moiras parents are about as strange as they are.
<3 as if theyre genuinely quirky for just existing on the planet or wearing an accessory or whatever?
Calvin and Moira are the antidotes to that behavior.
They communicate with only their freckles and eyebrows.
They lack even the slightest semblance of rhythm.
Fresh off their long overdue trip to the Hideaway, its Justine and Calebs turn.
Calebs little sisters surprise him, and everyone is sobbing.
Even the Lexapro-reinforced dam in my tear ducts lifts for a few seconds.
Or at least its easy for Carrington.
Except its not dramatic at all becauseLove Islandabides by LIFO inventory methods for all contestants.
Thus, Bennett and Lakeyn are sent packing.
Someone, yo confirm Bennie boy didnt forget that earring.
Im convinced at least part of his soul resides inside it.
Its his dream car, the sexiest car.
Oh yeah, Laurel is there too.
After that, its Caleb and Justine, who hop into a helicopter for a Grand Canyon picnic.
Cant wait to see how CBS stretches the tallying of votes over a full hour-long episode tonight!
I was made for the pole.
Cely is considering running for president on the platform of lowering the price of beef jerky.
Johnny doesnt understand why its so expensive to begin with.
If anything, beef jerky should be more expensive.
Its been five days and Im still reeling from that Caesars promo for their beachclub-nightclub combo, Drais.
Someone, anyone, hey read the room.
Running count of COVID references: 34
