Love Island
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This recap covers the fifth week ofLove Island U.S., episodes 22 through 27.
Can yall believe its been five weeks of tuning into this turd circus every night?
Were running out of time!
In the words of Connor, penultimate!!
Lets get to it.
Contact Tracing
We left offin the aftermath of a recoupling remix.
They can put their veneers away, though, because the votes are finally in!
Since four yes four!
islanders will be leaving, they must again do that weird gender vote-split thing.
With that, Aaron, Jalen, Sher, and Mackenzie are all sent packing.
Connor sheds a single tear, and everyone goes to bed otherwise content with their decisions.
Overnight, the tooth fairy comes and the islanders wake up to three new boys in their bedroom.
Noah is a home-health-care provider from St. Louis who is another example (miss you Jeremiah!)
of how leading with facial hair isnt always the best choice.
They are not wrong.
And that he does.
Thus begins Covergate 2020.
Johnny has clearly spent hours talking at the guys, making sure they have their stories straight.
Are the dudes even friends with Johnny?
Would the heavy-petting play-by-play really do much besides hurt Cely further?
Justine says yes, details matter, and eventually Caleb gives Cely a relatively honest run of show.
The only thing this man did wrong was keep that goatee!
And they think well just forget about him post-deposition?
With Mackenzie gone, Moira attempts to fill the agent of chaos role.
First, Moira and Connor decide to just be friends.
Shocking, I know.
Then Calvin comes groveling back to try and get Moira to pick him in the next recoupling.
Moira later decides shes actually really into Bennett and tries to steal him from Kierstan.
Someone kindly explain what all of these women have in common with Calvin.
Being young and hot and on TV is just not enough to count as lots in common.
To start things off, Justine picks Caleb.
I dont even know why anyone else is still trying.
Kierstan goes with Bennett because hes wearing a jaunty earring from the George Michael x Forever 21 Mens Collection.
Also because Calvin is boring.
After Calvin sobs his sunscreen off, Connor FaceTimes Mackenzie from The Villa.
(This is a major update on the closed-circuit cell phone front!
Was Connor given a day pass to contact civilization?!
The hacking possibilities someone show Cely the TikTok fiance posthaste!)
He asks if shes willing to give him a second chance in the real world.
Mackenzie says sure and invites him to come to Arizona with her and Gus.
Best wishes to them all.
I sincerely hope they take appropriate post-travel quarantine measures and make expedited arrangements for Connor to have bidet access.
The next day, it becomes increasingly apparent that theyre running out of drama.
Can we FaceTime Mackenzie back into The Villa?
I feel like she would have a lot to add to the Bennett situation.
Instead, its back to retreading old ground.
That ex isSommer Ray, an Instagram Face he met at a restaurant when he was her server.
To this, Kierstan says, Her loss, my gain.
and I say, Someone call Andy Cohen because we have found a replacement for Jax Taylor.
Hell, we may even have the kindling for an entirely new Lisa-free franchise.
This is bad news for Laurel.
I dont even know.
Seems like hes sort of overthinking this.
But, like Cely, we must wait.
Noah first says he considers himself a southern gentleman, then later says hes from the Midwest.
(If you dont know what that is, do a Google.
In a game of Would You Rather: Vin Diesel or Johnny, Cely chooses Vin Diesel.
Cely still chooses Vin Diesel.
[Her eyes], they are brunette.
Noah says, Im going to be putting most of my chips in her basket.
My guy, if you have a metaphorical basket, it should be filled with eggs.
If you have metaphorical chips, they should be used to place a bet.
Hence, going all in.
Let this be a lesson to you all about how quickly false information can propagate!
Running count of COVID references: 33
