Love Island
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This recap covers the third week ofLove Island U.S., episodes 9 through 14.
So instead, heres somefootagemy partner captured of me watching this week.
Also because she has told us.
Everyone else: fake.
Okay, sure, whatever.
A win for character development, but a loss for Laurens long term plan.
Her presence mostly just plants a bunch of uncertainty seeds in Connor and Carringtons big ol goofus brains.
Its a nonstop circular conversation with exactly zero resolution.
So of course they stay together.
Ive never had that experience ever.
You may have thought Connor didnt have a personality.
It turns out he just had an inadequately cleansed butthole.
Johnny paints Celys nails.
Cely massages Johnnys back.
They do a lot of giggling.
Unfortunately, before the switcheroo can be executed, America sweeps in with other plans.
They are safe from elimination.
Calvin and Moira cant believe they bamboozled the entire country.
But first, they band together with the other safe couples to save Mackenzie & Connor.
She is just being REAL.
Calvin tells us his rule of thumb for marriage preparation is four seasons and a road trip.
Oooh baby, I have a lot of questions.
Are there any stipulations on the road trip destination?
Is the road trip included within the four seasons time allotment or is that an extra addendum?
Are we talking about literal seasons like spring and winter?
Or seasons in a more general life stage sense?
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Of course, thats not all.
Production didnt build an entirely separate rooftop villa a mere 1.5-mile drive down W. Flamingo Road for nothing.
Its time to introduce TEN NEW ISLANDERS.
If you say so, my girl.
Nope, no thank you.
Fortunately, theres another bro with essentially the exact same tattoo, Jalen.
Only time will tell.
Theres also Pat, a lawyer with DJ Pauly D hair.
Limited vacancy remains for details.
Since the guys were swiftly whisked off to Casa Amor, they had limited time to pack provisions.
Shes a genius, but if Casa Amor has a waterfall and a bidet (!!!!
), surely theres a bottle of Listerine or whatever.
And are there ever hunnies to meet.
GiNiele is a sales manager who wants you to know shes fun-sized, not bite-sized.
Shes got her eye on Caleb and does not give a single shit about who is already coupled up.
The boy has at least three inches of range.
She pets Johnnys beard a few times and gets him to admit that she caught his eye.
This show is truly an embarrassment of riches.
For continuitys sake, Ill leave you withthis.
Furthermore, we find out she brushes her teeth with a dry toothbrush.
Yet according to Calvin, the sun shines through her eyes and lights up the whole villa.
Jalen also says, Moira is the most beautiful woman Ive ever seen.
Either the bar is a bit low or I am not the target demographic.
For now, well take it.
Its been days and I still cant stop thinking about Connors handwritten Notes app situation.
Speaking of phones, why do the islanders texts always have hashtags?
The entire purpose of hashtags is to allow searching for users on social.
Hashtags in a text go nowhere, and theyre not even a very good joke structure.
Is this a coded cry for help?
#OkayCoolThanks #wehearforyou
Running count of COVID references: 25
