The man in the Marvel suit confronts his body.
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
Brows arched, he gazes at something in the middle distance more muscles?
This was all him.
Plus Kingo lives in the modern-day world as a Bollywood superstar.
I mean, have you seenHrithik Roshan?
Have you seen those melons?
He would enter the Marvel laboratory as a fan and emerge as a superhero.
For about a year, he basked in the honeymoon glow of his body.
He went on a publicity blitz.
In a perverse indictment of the industry, his body got him better job offers.
Not even action-hero stuff just regular-guy roles as husbands and dads.
Then the whey protein curdled.
He looked, well, huge.
The internet, bored and mean, latched on as it does.
Something shifted in the public perception.
Nanjiani had popped an edible and was in the middle of rewatchingThe Crowwhen he first saw the tweets.
They were merciless and sometimes funny.
He felt like an insecure teenager again.
The way I look has been way too important to me, says Nanjiani, now 43.
And so to hear a bunch of people reaffirming my own darkest thoughts about myself was very difficult.
I was like,Thank God for Bean Dad.
The virality of the first tabloid photo encouraged the paparazzi to tail him more.
Nanjiani was irate, but he didnt respond.
For the first time in his life, Nanjiani started seeing a therapist regularly.
Nothing was ever good enough.
His ideal shape was Arnold Schwarzenegger from hisPumping Irondays.
And even if he achieved that, who knows?
He might still fixate on the problem areas.
His shoulders, for one, have always been a real bugbear for him.
When he was younger, kids would make fun of him and call him chicken shoulders.
You might say,But chickens dont have shoulders.And hed say yes, exactly.
So thats why hes showing me how to do shoulder presses.
We do some lateral raises (for the shoulder caps).
The past year left him vulnerable and pensive, questioning his role in his own pillorying.
His body was either a symbol of toxic Hollywood standards or #goals #fitfam #fitspo.
He was something to criticize or defend, aspire to or take down.
Its possible were approaching the uncanny valley of muscularity.
(Even a recent photo of Chris Hemsworth inspired some backlash.)
Maybe there was a feeling that Kumail Nanjiani should know his place.
He had done the bit parts and scaredy-cat roles.
Doing Marvel felt like what his entire life had been leading up to.
Who better to play a comic-book superhero than someone who has loved that shit since childhood?
There was never any question: When he got the part, he was going to look the part.
He would do it, and he would do it all again.
Our waiter, Jason,is enamored with Nanjiani.
After the desultory workout at the gym, we get lunch down the street.
Feeling inspired, I get the power green salad with grilled shrimp.
I think your biceps are better than Chris Hemsworths, in my opinion.
Oh my God, Nanjiani says, laughing.
Hes dressed casually a blue T-shirt and chino shorts old clothes that fit differently on a new body.
Did you get that?
Yeah, Ive been man-crushing on you for a while, Jason continues.
I ask if he felt that way before the abs and brick jaw.
Yeah, he replies.
I have a thing for furry Middle Eastern guys.
So, how often do you go to the gym?
No, unless I really feel like I need it mentally or physically.
But instead of not going, Ill just do an easier workout.
I get something out of it.
Maybe one day I can be huscular like you.
Nanjiani and I both ask.
Its husky and muscular at the same time.
Arent you already huscular?
I wouldnt say so, says Jason.
Im still being pigeonholed into this bear category that Im kind of embracing.
I just weighed myself, and Im at 240.
I want to achieve some sort of peakness.
I want to be like a Jersey-juicehead gorilla dude.
Its a tough thing.
You become obsessed with it.
I certainly have, and for me, its not great to weigh myself every day.
I could tell you what I weigh today.
What did you weigh today?
163.4, says Nanjiani.
We exchange glances after Jason leaves to put in our order.
Its like I planted him, says Nanjiani.
Listen, I appreciate it.
Hes a super-nice guy.
But you feel very seen in a specific way.
Men just react to him now.
Ive been more keyed into this masculinity stuff, says Nanjiani.
I started following a lot of bodybuilders on Instagram.
I think about it more, and it has never seemed … more pathetic.
Its really like,Oh, all of our problems basically come from men not feeling their feelings.
So here we are, three men at a table, each imagining their greatest form.
Nanjiani grewup internalizing a divide: The soul was good and the body was bad.
In high school, academic success was how he measured his self-worth.
He didnt feel attractive or popular or cool, but he could study really hard.
Most of the kids at KGS had been going to school together since childhood.
He immediately became a target because he liked a girl that one of the popular kids liked too.
You know that thing where youre going to a new school, and youre like,They dont know.
I can be cool now?They knew right away, he says, laughing.
Recently, Nanjiani reconnected with some high-school friends he had stopped communicating with when he came to the U.S.
He was just trying to forget about the whole era shove it into a black hole of forgetfulness.
They were hurt he had ghosted them.
Crying over something that feels so basic.
He was quiet at first but worked to overcome his social anxiety.
In the end, he discovers theres a transmitter emitting sound waves that are controlling his mood.
The story was fine.
Im not like,Wow, this storys really good, he says.
Im realizing now I probably was trying to communicate something I wasnt able to communicate in other ways.
Comedy helped him get the kind of affirmation he was looking for.
His college friends saw him as the funny one.
One of his best routines ever happened on campus.
I felt like Id discovered a superpower, he says.
It wasnt until then that I realized I was worth anything.
The muscles are nice, but the jokes feel like an extension of his true self.
Cause all the cool scientists have em.
But I want something cool, you know, like, Turn the torpedoes up to five Nanjianis!!
Its way too much power!
Most people cant handle one Nanjiani!!
And then he would smile.
He stewed about the incident for days, and he realized it was because he felt helpless.
Oh, fuck, that is Kumail Nanjiani!
As the story goes, they met at one of his comedy shows in Chicago.
He asked if Karachi was in the house; she woo-hooed.
Gordon grew up in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
She was a comedy nerd; he was a nerd comedian.
They both felt like outsiders as kids and found solace in pop culture.
Nanjiani has ordered steak-frites, Gordon branzino.
They turned that experience into a movie,2017sThe Big Sick.
They thought they had processed all of that, but it turns out they werent quite finished.
Its become this pattern in our relationship since then where I have designated myself her caretaker, says Nanjiani.
In trying to protect, but really trying to control, you.
And
Oh, no, no, I would not even say control, she interjects.
Thats a very strong word to use.
Youre trying to control the uncontrollable, which is an illness.
You cannot control such a thing.
He wants to do it all, and he wants to do it with her.
The protectiveness goes both ways.
(He has been working on that.)
They communicate through eye beams.
What did you not like about that specifically?
Nanjiani says lightly, deflecting the question to Gordon.
I did not like that you were considered unattractive on the show, she replies.
That really fucking bothered me.
And that there were entire story lines around it, he says.
Maybe I should have.
Other actors did when they had stuff that they didnt enjoy doing.
I understand that story line ended up being funny.
But yeah, parts of that didnt feel great.
you’re free to say whatever you want, Emily.
If I were ranking completely objectively …
Oh my God, he breaks in.
Somehow my husband is No.
Even my mom would call me and be like, Why are they saying that about him?
she says, dipping into a southern accent.
But yeah, it bugged me.
I didnt like it.
Or hypersexual and thats the joke, adds Gordon.
Because theyre not threatening, says Nanjiani.
Its like,Oh, it thinks its hot.That kind of thing.
It shouldnt be the job of any one person to upend an entire culture.
He often felt that way on the set ofSilicon Valley.
They often went off-script, endlessly improvising as opposed to learning their lines, extending the already long days.
We were not trying to get the scene.
It would take us eight or nine takes to get anything that was useful.
(Wetterlund did not respond to a request for comment.)
I had no idea she was having issues on set.
She did not bring them to me while we were shooting, says Nanjiani.
We certainly let him bully us around.
It was some of the most difficult shooting days Ive ever had.
It made me retreat inward rather than focus on other peoples experiences.
I should have been more aware and keyed in to those around me.
In general, Nanjiani doesnt want to name names or cast blame.
He has always moved through Hollywood with a sort of watchful pragmatism.
He felt his parents wince a little bit and decided afterward that he wouldnt do that anymore.
It wouldnt be the first or last time he would be asked to do an accent for auditions.
When that happens, he doesnt do anything.
But I dont say, Hey, dont do that, he says.
Even reacting feels weak.
When someones racist to you, theres no way to win.
He would have nightmares about it.
He is critical of both fundamentalist Islam and Islamophobia in the West.
Theres something unprocessed in how he talks about his upbringing, which he readily admits.
you’re free to see it in how he places it in the background ofThe Big Sick.
That portrayal of them as a group of discarded photos became a flashpoint in conversations around the film.
Why were the Pakistani women depicted as the unappealing, disposable alternative?
Nanjiani initially felt defensive about those criticisms; now he accepts them.
People wanted to see themselves.
Its something I completely regret.
I would not do it that way now.
The times he feels most himself are when hes hanging out with Gordon at home.
I have an issue with being in the moment.
Those are the only times where its like …No notes.
Were at Republiqueon La Brea when I witness Nanjiani eat a simple carb.
Its simplicity belies its decadence.
You have to try it, he says, cutting me off a bite.
A million flaky molecules shatter in my mouth.
Youre going to see me start getting the sugar sweats, he says.
He usually saves these things cakes, pies, pastries for Fridays.
Humans arent built for this much feedback.
But he declines to get into all that.
Nanjiani doesnt think anyone should do what he did.
These were self-imposed conditions with a deadline.
For Nanjiani, Kingo is an ideal, and his body is just one part of that.
He is joyful, confident, and loves life.
He isnt plagued with self-doubt or body-image issues.
He can bear the weight of the world.
He can be what people want him to be.
Kingo really is a better version of me, says Nanjiani.
He doesnt have the inner saboteur, which literally just makes me jealous of a character I play.
I felt a familiar ache when I saw those photos of Nanjiani.
A few years ago, I did something similar on a more modest scale for a story.
Would I be more confident, have more energy, jump around doing parkour on benches?
Would I get laid more, get more taps on Grindr and free drinks at the bar?
Would I like myself more if other people thought I was hot?
I enlisted a trainer whom I would work out with about five days a week.
By the end of the journey, I could confidently say that I had failed.
Like Nanjiani, I had a photo shoot, only there was no chest plate of triumph.
I felt embarrassed by my want.
I had hoped I could somehow transcend the meanness of racism and homophobia with 16 individuated abdominal muscles.
He tells me this isnt what happens.
New body, same issues.
(It did make it harder for him to roll over in bed, though.)
While he was building a comedy career, he had put his anxieties about his body into the background.
Getting muscular invited an old demon back into the house.
This prison has never been tighter, man, he says.
Having other people decide how you feel about yourself none of that goes away.
Its all still there.
What you have to do is somehow figure out how to have self-worth from within yourself.
I dont know how to do that, but Ill let you know once I find the key.
It might have something to do with finding the right people.
He has two group chats with friends.
If something great happens, the former rags on him; the latter will just be supportive.
Hes trying to feel less buffeted by other peoples opinions.
His natural instinct is to make the bullies like him somehow convince them hes cool and worthy.
Hes trying instead to control how he reacts, to have a little perspective.
Take this troll on Reddit.
They would tear him down every time he posted something online.
Nanjiani couldnt help it; he was bothered.
Then he learned something.
He also regularly posts on sub-Reddits about drinking your own pee, like tips and stuff, he says.
I was like,Oh my God.
Ive been letting someone who drinks their own pee decide how I feel about myself and what I do.
Theres nothing wrong with drinking your own pee!
Like, you dont know what people are going through.
Production Credits
Thank you for subscribing and supporting our journalism.
