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It is a strange time for the movie industry.
No one knows when audiences will feel comfortable returning to the multiplex, or if they ever will.
Still, you know what they say in Hollywood: The show must go on.
But what if the Academy decidednochanges needed to be made?
Furthermore, what if, in a completely unprecedented scenario, zero more movies come out this year?
In the season that just ended, 38 feature films received an Oscar nomination.
For the Academy, this is a nigh-uncharted section of the calendar.
But this year, its all they have, and theyve got to nominatesomething.
What will it be?
Before we begin, some ground rules for the thought experiment.
Were counting only films that arrived on or before March 31.
Well also proceed as if all the precursor ceremonies like the Gothams, SAG Awards, Globes, etc.
(Had it hit five years earlier, we would have been in for theMortdecaiOscars.)
But … what will they campaign?
With large gatheringsstill verboten, Oscar campaigns need to get creative.
Zoom hangouts with voters become de rigueur for any star on the awards trail.
Margot Robbie gives house tours.
Jim Carrey offersonline art courses.
Ben Affleck takes HFPA members for virtual iced-coffee runs withgirlfriend Ana de Armas.
The L.A. critics go instead withFirst Cow.
Rounding out the early birds, the National Board of Review namesSorry We Missed Youas its No.
So far, so normal.
One bright side of the season?
Wags joke that the Academy will have to tryreally hardfor its all-male directing lineup this year.
The Best Actor race is largely a fait accompli.
(The less said about the other nominees in that category, the better.)
Best Actress is more competitive.
But who will get the fifth spot?
The supporting races, frankly, are a mess.
Meanwhile, Carrey gets left off at SAG, but his Globe nom keeps hope alive.
In another bit of light category fraud,Birds of Preydecides to submit as a Musical/Comedy at the Globes.
WithEmma.also in the running, that makes for a solidBest Actress in a Musical/Comedy slate, all things considered.
As expected, Robbie and Mosssplit the Best Actress prizes, and Affleck takes Best Actor in a Drama.
The pair emerges from the Globes looking like the strongest contenders in the Best Picture race.
(Emma.s Autumn De Wilde wins the guilds first-time feature award.)
Moss wins Best Actress at SAG, but Robbie holds serve with a victory at the BAFTAs.
(Michelle Dockery ofThe Gentlemenwins the BAFTA.)
Hope Gapsweeps the AARP Movies for Grownups Awards.
In a symbolic act of resolve,Idris Elba and Andy Cohenread the noms.
Despite all thats changed since last season, two things remain constant:snubs and surprises.
And all it took was a pandemic!
The shortage of movies available to nominate has additional knock-on effects.
The makeup branch struggles to find five worthy choices, and so decides to shrink back to three nominees.
The animation branch forgets thatWeathering With Youwas on the shortlist last year, and nominates it again.
And the movies arent going to let a little thing like the coronavirus stop them from celebrating themselves.
Tom Hanks is the host.
(No one evendreamsof digging into his old tweets.)
Is the Academyreallygoing to give Best Picture to a horror film, ora comic-book movie?
Still, theres a chance for history to be made.
Few expect that to occur, as the Academy has preferred to spread the love around recently.
Lets see what does!
International Feature also goes chalk, asBacurauwalks away with the trophy.
Oily cakes for everyone!
The Other Side fromTrolls World Tourwins Original Song, which means Justin Timberlake is now an Oscar winner.
Ben Affleck takes Best Actor, as the man simply does not lose Oscars once hes been nominated.
(Ana de Armas gets prominent onscreen real estate during his acceptance speech.)
Best Actress has been a nail-biter all season long, and the Oscar ultimately goes to … Elisabeth Moss!
She curses up a storm in her speech.
People say itsa Scientology thing.
Now its time for the big categories.
In Original Screenplay, Eliza Hittman wins the welcome to the club, indie filmmaker screenplay Oscar.
Nope its Leigh Whannel forThe Invisible Man.
Going intothe final commercial break,The Invisible Manleads the field with six awards.
Will it also triumph in Best Picture?
New York governor Andrew Cuomo takes the mic to announce the winner.
He does it gruffly; the Oscar goes toEmma.Its neither aParasite-style triumph nor aGreen Book-style embarrassment.
Its more like theShape of Waterwin: understandable and just kind of … fine.
And besides, its not like the competition was so great.
*In real life it was me who forgot; thank you to reader Reuben Baron for reminding me.
