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Archie Bunker would prefer you stand six miles from him.
Sawyer fromLostwill probably face criminal charges for hoarding and reselling precious items.
Elmo is playing musical chairs with his parents.
We even learned what caused the whole pandemic you might blame it onVeeps Mike McLintock.
), so he would declare himself an immune green person and set out to help.
(Tracy: Like Mister Rogers said, Look like the helpers.)
So, dressed as a firefighter, he would volunteer his time delivering illegal box jellyfish to the elderly.
Liz refuses to go because of her desire to be egalitarian but also because everyone would probably be barefoot.
She would shelter in place like nobodys business and still somehow dodge sex with James Marsden.
For example, weve only had Christmas twice, but Easter is every four hours.
Hoarding is a sin, sir!
Maybe it wouldve been set to a famous existing song, like Imagine, by John Lennon.
But the lyrics would help people.
And not make everyone angry.
Second, she more than anyone would recognize the importance of community.
All town forums would be continued online.
Zoom would be installed on everyones computers overnight.
If Ann swayed closer than six feet, she would be gently chastised, perhaps via spray bottle.
They would pretend to be annoyed but would secretly love it.
Ronwould be thrilled because now theres a reason for him to be alone with no one bothering him.
But hed worry about Leslie.Mike Schur
Frasier
FRASIER sits at a table with a cappuccino.
FRASIER
Good morning, Niles.
NILES sits at a separate table with a cappuccino.
NILES
And to you, Frasier.
We now see they are in different houses and speak via Skype.
NILES wipes his camera lens.
I have had impure thoughts during this confinement.
I didnt ask you, saidBoyd Crowder.
And youre wrong the timing couldnt be better.
No, you didnt, said Boyd, looking past Dewey through the door.
Devil joined Boyd in the doorway, asking who this was.
That there is Raylan Givens, said Boyd.
For breakfast, we have our favorite meal: unbuttered plain bagels with a side of lukewarm water.
And for dessert, we split another portion of Kevins boiled rice.
Today I read Kevins favorite author, Faulkner, aloud to him.
Next, I read Cheddars favorite author, Rimbaud, aloud to him in the original French.
Then I denied a request from Jake to participate in something called a Mario Party.
Then we took a stroll through the neighborhood, maintaining a distance of three meters from one another.
Read your dog Rimbaud.
In fact, Larry finds that the government-mandated rules on social distancing dont go far enough.
We are doing a lot, but Larry thinks we need to do more.
Larry wants his social distancing measured not in meters but in miles.
Isolated in his house, Larry doesnt feel imprisoned.
When he goes for a walk, you might rest assured there will be no stop and chats.
Jeffwould pretend to test positive for the coronavirus just to avoid Susie.
ButSusiewould also test positive just to make Jeff miserable.
So Susie and Jeff would be locked up in the house together.
And the number of affairs Jeff has would go down but not to zero.
Leonwould be dubious about all the hand-wringing about the hand-washing protocols.
Why should I wash my hands when all I touched was me?
When this is all over, Larry will go to the car wash to get it thoroughly cleaned.
And Larry will walk home.Jeff Schaffer
Sawyer,Lost
Well … sonofabitch.
You miss the boat on your COVID-one-nine stock-up?
You need toilet paper?
A thermometer or perhaps some slightly out-of-date chloroquine pills?
(But I still dont know who those people were on that other damn outrigger.)
Until then, lots of love, stay safe … andnamaste!
Before they can get their coats off, Mike says, Theres a pandemic, Arch.
We need to practice social distancing.
They want us to be six to ten feet apart at all times.
Archie responds, Sounds good to me, Meathead.
He turns to Edith, Im gonna take a nap.
Wake me when its six to ten blocks apart.
Hes also doing the work of an addict and attending AA meetings via Zoom.
Hes taking care of himself and checking in on the tenants in his building.
I think he would be a helper.
Thankfully,Penelopeis a medical professional, soLydiais listening to her daughter.
Which is so huge right now!
Im sure Lydia is talking to Berto and the popes a lot and catching up on every telenovela.
Maybe a long while.
The least important thing right now is football.
Youre still on this team.
You still have football responsibilities.
Were lucky enough to live in Texas.
Theres tons of empty spaces.
Go find one and do your running, do your suicides, do your stretches.
TEAM
Yes, sir.
There is a certain segment of our population who believe that the rules do not apply to them.
That they dont have to worry about all this.
And Im staring at 60 members of that segment of our population right now.
You will put yourself and your family and your community at serious risk if you act like a jackass.
So Im asking you to take this as seriously as you have taken anything in your life.
Practice your social distancing.
Your social calendars are officially on hold.
And in case I havent made myself clear enough, let me state it more plainly.
Is this absolutely clear?
Do not let me down on this one, gentlemen.
Talk slow so it takes twenty seconds.
Go the fuck away.
I dont want to get sick, you irresponsible dipshit.
(Turned out it was a by-product ofHiram Lodges drug-production operation polluted river water.)
But they are resourceful.
First, theres the fully self-sustaining bunkerDilton Doileybuilt.
Theres electricity, food, water, and presumably plumbing.
Another place folks could hunker down is Pops Chock-lit Shoppe.
And if the corona-crisis threatens to last beyond the end of their senior year?
As for graduation, lets get real.
Currently, all nonessential workers in California have been told to stay home.
This would include bookstore managers.
ButJoe Goldbergis such a good guy.
But luckily Joe isnt a murderer and would never think of doing a thing like that.
The Soul selects her own Society / Then shuts the Door, she famously declared.
But what if the truth about Emily Dickinson is more complicated than this?
Emilys sister, Lavinia, once remarked that Emily was always looking for the rewarding person.
No poet is an island, and solitude loses all meaning without companionship.
The longer we are separated from each other, the more we will yearn to connect.
Vic would not do well at all under quarantine.
He definitely would not trust Zoom to communicate.
Those conversations arent secure enough.
Hed see to it to wear gloves, though.
Marie would say, Where am I going?
As long as I can be here with my family, helping, Im happy.
Debra would ask Frank for advice.
Frank: Ive been quarantined for 56 years.
This is their Zoom session.
BENSON
So, everyone still feeling okay?
ROLLINS
And my hands are raw from washing them 20 times a day.
FIN (who has been watching a different TV screen)
Sorry.
Ive just been sitting on my couch, gaming.
I dont get what all the fuss is about; its just a regular weekend for me.
KAT
Its been eight days, Fin.
FIN
If you say so.
Im holed up with a 5-year-old, a 1-year-old, and my dog in an 800-square-foot apartment.
Cant I come in and look at some cold cases?
Stay where you are.
At least you dont have to distance learn.
Howd that work out for you?
One involving time travel.
Of course, none of us would ever know that Jack Bauer had saved the world yet again.
But Jack would be just fine with that.
Howard Gordon
Little Fires Everywhere
How wouldElena Richardsonhandle social distancing owing to a global pandemic?
Though shed continue to pay household staff, she would tell them to not to come in.
Those things mixed together dont compute.
That man doesnt know how to NOT work.
Work is life and life is work to him.
After a heavy, dragged-out argument,ErikandAnawould force him to stay home while they keep the shop running.
Unfortunately, Erik would come home to find his high-school bongs got tossed out.
They hold a lot of sentimental value.
What can we say?
I do, however, miss being with my friends.
Sitting around eating Chinese takeout, sharing my scientific ideas and correcting theirs … thats my happy place.
it finally led them to financial ruin.
Theyre strapped for cash, and stocking up for long-term isolation isnt realistic for them.
As a result, shes probably living with Jackie to protect Dan from being exposed to the virus.
People, its the Conners!
Bruce Helford
Desperate Housewives
Bree Van De Kampwould be thoroughly prepared to meet the coronavirus head on.
Joe removes from his mouth the cinnamon stick hes been chewing on.
JOE: Do you think that therell be Movie Night at the library next week?
Sarah opens her mouth to respond but pauses.
Joe doesnt look up from his book but begins to move his shoulders up and down to the beat.
They go back to their books.
I was just checking up on him!)
Hed be spending approximately $40,000 a day on food delivery, which he justifies as supporting local businesses.
Hed keep a daily quarantine log for Eggwoke.
Sample sentence: Watched the pilot forCheers, what ever happened to Shelly Long?
Thought about masturbating but then Googled pictures of the Olsen twins smoking instead.
From 3 to 4 p.m. every day, he experiences a wave of optimism.
Maybe hell use this time to get in shape, learn how to cook, write a novella.
Maybe hell get to know himself.
Like, really get to know himself.
Be the person he always wanted to be.
At 4 p.m., he orders pad Thai and jerks off to a porn about Mormons.
Tomorrow is a new day.Ryan OConnell
The Boys
Billy: Oi, you there.
Just keep your two meters away, mate.
Trust me, I can bollocks a bastard and still keep my social distance.
Homelander: We are Americans!
Would John Wayne be scared of a flu?
So get out there and spend money!
verify our stock market flourishes!
Teresa suggests a different approach, so Pote decides to protect Teresa with … pozole.
Here on Sesame Street, things are pretty quiet.
Well, except for Oscars can.
Oscar says hes spending his time doing some recluttering.
Hes tossing out anything that brings him joy.
And he wanted me to tell everybody out there, Scram!
In Elmos apartment, Elmo and his mommy and daddy are doing all kinds of fun things together.
Elmo is practicing Simon Says actually pretty tricky!
and racing his mommy when we play musical chairs.
(Elmo just learned that word:vir-tu-al!
Its a good one.)
We sing songs together, and we have story time, and sometimes we have a big dance party.
Elmo sends you big virtual hugs … bye-bye!Ken Scarborough
