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More than passable, even.
The man that the book says she should choose?
A cauliflower floret has more charisma, obviously.
And the other guy, who dares to be spontaneous and fun?
Thats a hard book pass.
Im just drawn to how relatable the script is.
At the end of a long day, thats what I want to watch.
Well get aroundto the second oneeventually.
We open as most Hallmark films do: With a CGI panoramic shot of Denver.
Markles character, Cass, has a very cute dog and dresses like apre-financial-ruinOutdoor Voices ambassador.
Well soon learn that she has a boyfriend whos oblivious to everything about her.
Its thetitularhandbook that Cass comes across during a morning news blitz.
But anyway, off to work Cass goes.
She owns her own marketing agency and generally has it all.
Somebody bring her somehaaaaaaam!
Cass is relegated to the kids table at the wedding, but alas, who do we have here?
Hes nice, charming, and works for the citys parks and recreation department.
So, basically a male Leslie Knope.
The sparks, and the cake slices, are flying.
Sadly, Suitor No.
1 couldnt get Casss number in time, and its back to the work grind for her.
Conveniently, she finds thehandbook in her co-workers desk and shes … notnotuninterested.
After a year and a half, Cass finally decides to dump this mans ass in the batting cages.
Shes more than fine.
Wow, what a surprise that Casss sister tries to cheer her up with a lecture from theDaters Handbookauthor.
Its not the man, its her!
She could be as noncommittal as the guys shes been choosing, for all we know.
1 boomerangs back into Casss life, thanks to a well-timed meet-cute in the park.
The mutual love and affection toward doggos?
Just ask her out already, man.
Shes happy he asked her out.
We like to think this was her exact lip gloss routine before her first date with Prince Harry.
(The stakes have never been lower.)
1, this means mini-golf.
Cass excels at it.
Remember, there are no fouls in mini-golf.
We encourage you to try this PGA-approved technique during your next trip to the putting green.
We also like to think this is how her first date with Prince Harry ended.
[Frosting interlude.]
Okay, the inevitable occurs: Suitor No.
After some thought, she doesnt deem it inappropriate and accepts despite some initial confusion.
Chivalry is not dead!The book yells at her.Its okay to expect and want a gentleman!
He also doesnt seem to understand the concept of humor.
Cass videochats with the fam to spill about Suitor No.
2 and admits hes a total snooze.
No matter, because shes back with Suitor No.
1 on an indoor running date.
Between the headphone splitters, the soothing sounds of REO Speedwagon, and her flopping ponytail, Suitor No.
1 falls off the treadmill.
Did he really hate the groovy tunes of the 70s that much?
The weather cleared up, so theyre back outside for a car picnic.
Ladies: Try this sensual move on your next date.
Damn, its actually cold there.
In an ultimate power move, Suitor No.
1 surprises Cass and her mom with tickets to see REO Speedwagon at a benefit concert.
I cant stress enough that REO Speedwagon essentially becomes its own supporting character at this point.
Id also love to know how much the rights to Keep on Loving You cost the Hallmark Channel.
Cant really complain about halfway-point sponcon when its as adorable as this.
Its Casss birthday, and this is a big effindeal for the handbook.
Giving the right gift isimperative,and it needs to bepersonal.Suitor No.
2 swings by her office with a bunch of lilies, her favorite flower.
1 has the same surprise idea.
1 wooes her with an iPod, which was pretty much a given after the REO Speedwagon gym incident.
Oh yeah, he cracked and destroyed her old iPod Classic with the fall.
Okay, its decision time for Cass.
Shes going on one last date with her men.
How well do they know her?
How much effort and planning are they putting into their relationship?
Do they respect her boundaries?
Do they worship at the shrine of REO Speedwagon?
2 starts things off with a concert thats decisivelynotdedicated to Illinois finest rockers.
But the champagne and strawberries are a nice touch.
And yet, Suitor No.
2 cant muster up anything but a platonic hug at the end of the night.
Things start off well and hoppy for Suitor No.
1s diner excursion …
… but alas, the curse of the honey allergy returns.
Cass has a bite of a wing thats been subtly coated with the delectable substance and this happens.
Things dont look great for Suitor No.
After a quick hospital trip, Suitor No.
The wait is over.
Cass has to dump one of the suitors and will debut her pick at her nephews birthday party.
Drumroll, yo … its Suitor No.
Cass thinks Suitor No.
1 abandoned her, even if that isnt the case.
Her mom is not happy.
[InsertsGIFof Mr. Darcy angrily standing alone at the ball.]
Oh yeah, even her dog hates Suitor No.
1 was bound to be there, although Cass isnt exactly happy to run into him.
She doesnt want to brag, but she was an eighth-grade bowling champion.
She regrets the smooching and runs off.
The next night, over dinner with her mom, Suitor No.
2 sternly rebuffs Cass for daring to take a bite of his patisserie treat.
So thats where theyre at.
Her mom is displeased by this Big Mediocre Energy.
And now, presenting the face of every woman finally realizing the extent of their shitty choice in men.
2 really does dislike fun, doesnt he?
WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND.
FOR IT IS TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL [AGAINSTDATERS HANDBOOK].
Cass and her family swing by Denvers annual Lantern Festival, which is conveniently being organized by Suitor No.
Time for the requisite sprint against the clock to get her man back!
Knock those dragons out of the way!
you’re free to practically hear the REO Speedwagon music cue gently playing in the background.
And thats a wrap for this beautiful, age appropriate, non-royal couple.
