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Look, we get it.
The central premise of this article sounds absurd.
How could anyone possibly write jokes at a time like this?
Jokes about scoring cheap flights to Mexico on a coronavirus discount?
Not so funny in light of how many people refuse to take social distancing seriously.
A TikTok coronavirus challenge that involves licking a toilet seat?
Okay, thats legitimately horrifying under any circumstance.
pic.twitter.com/WKOMIVXxxO
This just about sums everything up.
king of wealth redistributionpic.twitter.com/oqMOWPUyVg
Patrick Star = socialist king.
Dear Georgia,IDGAFWKSYBSYBAITMFH !
No message has ever been so clear, in my opinion.
not the choices i’d have gone with but okpic.twitter.com/2wE3tkef6s
Heather Chandler can stay.
Everyone else should be replaced.
read the room, Forbeshttps://t.co/Rh8FavlWqE
Im good for now, but thanks.
Costco priced a 82 inch Samsung TV for $1,200, I dont think that was a coincidence.
$1200 isnt even enough for 3 improv classes
Yes.
Unemployment- $600Stimulus -$1200Multiple streams of income.
Got my stimulus money but it was delivered in person and czech currency?
I did a thingpic.twitter.com/sMhd9MGiae
To Marina and the Diamonds.
this is just such a perfect example of referential millennial dadaism.
truly a work of arthttps://t.co/xYElRCaCJc
There arelevelsto this shit.
Dadaism has been invoked.
pic.twitter.com/FjpA5dscMQ
Its changing art history.
This meme is highbrow.
pic.twitter.com/38FSiGWBBo
Okay, Ill admit it.
TheAnimal Crossingversions of Blair and Serena are adorable.
love a regional memepic.twitter.com/l9dgwJoCtU
Real New Yorkers will get this one.
SKSKJSKSHSJSJSHSKSKSKSKSpic.twitter.com/PEbuECWiN6
A meme thats not afraid to get political …
pic.twitter.com/oXcnhtLtzr
Fin.
On Time
Okay well I wasnt therepic.twitter.com/cKCpsEgmxa
Not everything has to be a competition, CNN.
Its 2016, but give 2020 enough time and it could take the cake.
Im not counting this year towards my age.
On that note, Im also not counting the calories Im inhaling toward my weight.
To be clear, we want to go back to 1996.
Not 2019, not 2016.
Ppl born in 2000 are now 36……let that sink in
Time is a flat circle.
me: can i have fun2020: nome: ok
2020 is the strictest parent Ive ever had.
That cant be right.
[meteor hitting earth]Dinosaur: oh no the economy !
Little-known fact: The dinosaurs had just bought alotof shares in Amazon before the meteor hit.
I would never kill the door on working on one in the future, never say never.
Stay safe
Everyone, that is, except comedian andSeek Treatmentco-hostPat Regan.
Hes busy focusing on family and other projects.
Jeff Goldblum getting back to Gal Gadotpic.twitter.com/lBHIURuy77
Oh, and Jeff Goldblum.
Hes busy, too.
On Apartments
Two of my roommates keep seeing their boyfriends.
No sin worse than having an ugly boyfriend.
This cant be true.
Britney leaving the gympic.twitter.com/61qDeuwYsp
Shes fine.
does this make sensepic.twitter.com/ezgESLMCFn
It does.
Wear jeans during quarantine, they said.
“this is my year!!!
“-yeast
Move over cauliflower, theres a new sheriff in town and her names yeast.
people that get good sunlight in their rooms…how does it feel to be gods favorite
They won.
bet marie kondo is wishing she had more shit in her house right about now.
Does your empty apartment still spark joy, Marie?
The year is 2022.
Only 8 people have jobs BUT we all know how to make focaccia bread.
If so, hey get in touch.
pic.twitter.com/KDv7gVCuPr
Everyone on their kitchen floors right now.
a lot of people are fleeing to childhood mansions.
An astute observation by comedian Drew Anderson.
An absolute steal if you ask me.
ppl living with their partners talking about im bored go make out or something
Its literally that simple.
It seems slightly less exhausting.
Personally I would fuck murder, marry sex, and kill marriage
This scans.
I can be on social media and not text back this my phone
My phone, my rules.
Is Everyone Hanging Out on Zoom Without Me?
my upstairs neighbour is 60 years old and she is getting RAILED
How Stella Got Her Groove Back … Half of twitter wants to fuck and the other half wants to die
Mood.
sorry for not responding i forgot i was real
Happens to me all the time.
but youre single shut the fuck up.
Im just getting one
Im more traditional, so Ill be getting an annulment.
The girls arenotplaying around.
i said i was SELLING IT
The universe must have misheard me.
the four horsemen of quarantinepic.twitter.com/0q0ZQiCv0W
Tag yourself.
Keep those to yourself.
pic.twitter.com/fsAGIPO4qQ
Theres literally no one to talk to, I say to my four roommates.
A boy Ive been on two (2) FaceTime dates with just sent me a 2-page-long breakup text.
What
Okay, way to brag that youve been on two (2) FaceTime dates while under quarantine.
im so bad at sexting… over here like is that so?
Them: u up ;)Me: Indubitably :)Them: … nvm.
I remember my mama used say outside aint going nowhere now look at outside?
Scared to consider what else my mom was wrong about.
Am I also not the cutest little boy in all of the world?
A funny thing about quarantining is hearing your partner in full work mode for the first time.
Like, Im married to a lets circle back guy who knew?
This is the scariest quarantine story Ive heard yet.
Day 2 of social distancing.
Saw a picture of my bf as a baby.
Cried at the thought of what it would be like to hold that baby.
Got horny for him as an adult.
Im not going to come out of this in a good place.
Being horny while under quarantine can be confusing for all those involved.
Jon Hamm and I were set to have our beautiful wedding this April.
However, due to the coronavirus, we will be postponing the celebration of our love.
My apologies to our friends and loved ones.
Had to check on you.
They say that lil coronavirus in the city now.
Crazy how many people getting sick.
Reminds me how sick I was when I lost you.
Damn your love was contagious.
CHRIS CUOMO: There’s always time to call mom.
She wants to hear from you.
Just so you know.ANDREW CUOMO: I called mom just before I came on this show.
By the way, she said I was her favorite.
Good news is she said you are her second favorite.
thinking about the guy who bowled a perfect game on 9/11pic.twitter.com/P3GrekbHFE
Ummm, congrats Bill?
I didnt have a great experience withWii Fitgrowing up.
high school seniors complaining about no graduation when millions of elementary school kids dont get to have field day.
never forget your roots
Field day »»»» graduation, for sure.
Who needs a fancy gym membership?
this did not age well.https://t.co/RZfs5Nc8U5
Be careful what you wish for.
WAIT-pic.twitter.com/DsZ8ooG5MH
Would never wish ill upon anyone, but King K. Rool had it coming.
got his asspic.twitter.com/cLqs7JIIlj
Britney Spears: Queen of Pop, Sprinting, and Meme-Making.
Tonight was supposed to be Vince Carters last game.
We often forget how Luigi gave him that work in 2005pic.twitter.com/Fso51TQWFQ
Luigi straight up broke his ankles.
Is this cheating?pic.twitter.com/Vgwcha5Vlg
Also this.
See that little sign in the hall?
They don’t allow liquid containers on planes.
That implies 9/11 happened in Animal Crossingpic.twitter.com/HETXqQmVIu
But why?
83 why I cannot in good conscience start playingAnimal Crossing.
my mom just asked me if it is possible to defeat tom nook
Who is Tom Nook?
Is he good or bad?
This is like Bob Odenkirk all over again for me …
Parenting during a quarantine is easy.
Excited to see how they progress over the rest of the season.
loooool i love these cat videos on tiktokpic.twitter.com/P3oJHA2WGl
Audibly gasped when the cats cleared Level 5.
His immune systemhttps://t.co/00IXZNrvkepic.twitter.com/M4J9SgJ4B6
This mans immune system is the G.O.A.T.
The original Zoom meetingpic.twitter.com/WSCYkaTCHP
Hollywood Squares: Zoom Edition, coming to a Quibi near you.
this quarantine got me questioning who i really ampic.twitter.com/FMSeprzpKl
Are we humans or are we our avatars fromAnimal Crossing?
Day 4 of Quarantine.
Day 3 without sports:pic.twitter.com/9KEUFIT7es
My gems?
https://t.co/UFEbu84cOBpic.twitter.com/bdyYFysRcH
Who doesnt love some good old-fashioned wordplay?
Every pub quiz team member in 20yrs time who knows everything about Coronaviruspic.twitter.com/bnWoQrHygQ
They heard me, well done.
Quarantine day 6.pic.twitter.com/er652Oy3Ki
Do you think they have this game on Switch?
Quarantine has officially broken me and now I might make a hundred episodes of this.
Its my only passion now.pic.twitter.com/qCAeKEYH9S
The only thing worse than quarantining solo is quarantining with four clones of yourself.
Time to put my money where my mouth is.
goodbye everyonepic.twitter.com/jjKWOgonsz
The computers are becoming sentient, but like, in a fun way.
This is how niggas be on Maurypic.twitter.com/0tDqtwzByD
The production value on this video is truly stunning.
!pic.twitter.com/ZMPZHDeZdo
Comedian Jack Bensinger sheds a light on a sad phenomenon: teens smoking the coronavirus.
The ladies of Sex and the City quarantine in Mirandas Upper West Side apartmentpic.twitter.com/yk09pQALOs
Whore-antine.
Ive seen so many dancers posting videos of themselves to inspire people, so heres me writing jokes!!
Hope this inspires you, youre welcome!!!
pic.twitter.com/8bigDuUch3
Late Night With Seth Meyerswriter Karen Chee shares the beauty of comedy writing.
A post shared by Nathan Fielder (@nathanfielder)
A dad joke from a disheveled Nathan Fielder?
Dont mind if we do.
To stay sharp, Ive been trying jokes out on my dog.pic.twitter.com/IwdF2CpudI
Harvey the dog has impeccable taste.
every comedians bedroom rnpic.twitter.com/7w95KjvOCt
Say what you will about Joe Exotic, but his home studio setup was legit.
Watching the videos from Italy inspired me.
Brace yourself for the onslaught of front-facing comedy videos … theyre coming.
self quarantine pleasepic.twitter.com/MqvMUQL1wO
Thanks for the shout-out, Carmen!
I feel like Im in the fucking middle of a Stephen King novel, he quipped.
So do we, Norm.
I think its pescatarian first responders.
guy using the same joke every time hes late to a zoom.pic.twitter.com/F6RwGb3N0f
The road that I took was traffic.
Smash that like buttonpic.twitter.com/uwWe0DHN4O
Patrick Warburton = stabbed.
me portrait of a lady on fire-ing in quarantine alonepic.twitter.com/Dl58zXhRQ4
Jadore comedian Eva VictorsPortrait of a Lady on Fireparody.
Somehow got signed up for a service called reverse cameo where I send celebrities little videos.
Happy Earth Day, Dr. Drew indeed.
Comedian Cam Spence has gone fullGone Girl.
emails from airlines right nowpic.twitter.com/V8XhgIMiaI
Checking a bag is still 50 bucks.
every zoom discussion during online schoolpic.twitter.com/0LtkQy8gOm
Where did the mic come from?
Ah, put it away.
Well just do it outside.
AsRoy Wood Jr. predicted, now more than ever comedians are turning to social media for laughs.
exploring this fun new creative outlet tiktok!!
!pic.twitter.com/THNdNHfV9S
Or maybe not.
Im on my phone 16 hours a day?
Great, that means Im getting a solid 8 hours sleep
Jealous of B.J.
Novak for getting a solid eight hours of sleep.
pic.twitter.com/IyQFRW4Itf
Can I get a few words?
This was our last moment of happiness:pic.twitter.com/halRDBJDJU
We didnt deserve these kids.
i hate the watch a movie suggestion when i say im bored.
i have no attention span.
might i recommend EVERY MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dumbass
And yet, comedian Sarah Squirm makes a good point.
This is Pam tweeting from Jim’s account.
Jim got shot in the head.
[Frowns directly at camera.]
When Sweeney Todd said, These are my friends to inanimate objects, I felt that.
The songs Ive sung to my cutlery … Sweeneys got nothing on me.
i made onepic.twitter.com/2BWVNVCM0l
This exact thing happened to me while watchingWhered You Go, Bernadette(2019).
Well, goodnightpic.twitter.com/7AHIEjQ3iF
The ladies who lunch would honestly love Herb Ertlingers fruit wine.
Look, Im just gonna say it.
Im fucking sick of myself.pic.twitter.com/yzQios8x9T
Imagine being sick of Julia Louis-Dreyfus?
This is the most relatable thing everpic.twitter.com/Oj6bDqXedT
What if Leos girlfriend turns 25 while they are quarantining together …
I shudder at the thought.
i miss life before all this.
i miss it so bad.pic.twitter.com/br9tLUNAZh
Weve been through so much in the last six weeks.
I cant define pornography but I know it when I see it.pic.twitter.com/Pfa8OhaXiO
Yeah … this is it.
moodpic.twitter.com/ZtWyMNGTTp
She has a point …
I dont care what Georgia opens up.
I will bepic.twitter.com/6W7hNv3dJj
If you know, you know.
Now we know that truly anything is possible.
This aired in 2017.pic.twitter.com/cHng9nLOfD
You mean to tell me the president of the United States cant get a vaccine?
2021 goals:pic.twitter.com/kaZJM5V0Pa
Therecanbe a 100 people in a room … Lady Gaga by 2021 hopefully.
pic.twitter.com/NoV28Oc1nj
Maybe if we all had yellow and blue zig-zag suits, quarantine would be more fun?
Eh, probably not.
finally watched Blazing Saddles and wow, it’s true… they could never make that movie today.
white women are healing.
we are the virushttps://t.co/2HhkajJR14
Kylie Jenner definitely looks … different.
What if we gave every mom an absolute dumptruck ass -pixar
This tweet is dedicated to Mrs.
Incredible, the Patron Saint of Pixar Moms with Dumptruck Asses.
dreaming of thispic.twitter.com/qadMvyQX51
They alive, damnt.
A challenge anyone right now to recall, from memory, the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean
I …
I couldnt do it.
Lets be sure to keep them in our thoughts and prayers.
I simply wont rest until we have answers as to the whereabouts of one Lea Michele.
https://t.co/g6bMXmkIyQpic.twitter.com/4m2IV1d8yf
I had the exact same reaction when I saw theWickedmovie was delayed again.
helppic.twitter.com/rO75eqv4Yj
While the original lyrics work, close proximity to my mother scans better.
CoRUnavirus: The Rusical
For the love of God, kindly do not let theDrag Raceproducers see this tweet.
This quarantine has really upped some of y’all’s creativity pic.twitter.com/CqDO5bLSbC
Martin Scorsese is shaking.
Hows quarantining going?pic.twitter.com/mK6xHrbyt0
Never thought Id agree with Mary Louise, but here we are.
just know were all in this with you guys!
Theyre just like us!
Were crossing our fingers that you book!
WHOA SIMPSONS PREDICTED EVERYTHINGpic.twitter.com/6QIWKsGmE5
Honestly whathasntThe Simpsonspredicted at this point?
His delivery of lost all powers of speech is enough to earn him aJimmy Award nomination.
Love Bey, but not totally onboard with this one.
An aerial view of my current state.https://t.co/aGDFpaC0ub
Like many of us, Tony Award winner Stephanie J.
Block is breaking down.
just want her backpic.twitter.com/Qc2eeQ105D
What I would give to cue up Total Eclipse of the Heart right now.
a nigga coughed on tv just now and i froze
Even Tyler, the Creator has coronavirus-induced PTSD.
So creative, lol.
Love black people.pic.twitter.com/VsacBZX76I
I got a pocket full of gloves and my homeboys do, too.
Haydn versus Mozart (Mozart, obviously).
Debussy versus Tchaikovsky (Debussy by a hair).
Bach versus Schubert (Bach by a mile).
I really felt that.
@iamcardibCoronavirus (Remix) pic.twitter.com/zWAGxxsv4z
This song islegitimately climbing the charts, and for good reason.
Coronavirus isn’t stopping this Tool cover bandpic.twitter.com/YW73kZis5l
Clearlythe team behind Moves Like Bloombergstill has the music within them.
!pic.twitter.com/Eq1zMErTPL
You came into my home.
No one joined in….. pic.twitter.com/yyaYA98ZT2
We now know Judi Dench wouldnt have joined in becauseshe still hasnt seenCats.
But most of all having fun
Ignore that voice inside of you.
Sorry I havent tweeted a lot lately.
Im just insanely busy, been doing an incredible amount of traveling these days, shopping!
Dont feel well, gonna nap.
Sleeping it off should definitely help.
Kids cough like this but you wanna open up schools???
?pic.twitter.com/nDxx5x9ACX
Adorable, but highly unsanitary.
Me: i miss my friendsMy friends: lets video callMe: no
Never related to something more.
to sanitize your fabric masks, boil them for ten minutes.
thinking about her todaypic.twitter.com/wCUiXuiaxh
So clean the mic after this or you will get it.
Bitch we are getting JUMPEDhttps://t.co/jepiF5oTjC
They say when it rains it pours … seven to nine times.
your quarantine number is the number of times youve masturbated minus the number of times youve cried
My number?
Me, 8: Dear Diary, hey girl!
I cant wait to be in my mid-20s with a cutesy wife and three little toddlers.
Wow, dreams really do come true.
pic.twitter.com/7I2hC2QOvc
YoUr TwEnTiEs ArE tHe BeSt TiMe Of YoUr LiFe!!
Wildlife finally returning to Thames.
Nature is healingpic.twitter.com/d6uBxSaIAx
One bright spot: Massive rubber duckies are returning to their natural habitat.
Alex Jungteaching the proverbial children whats what.
friend is worried they have the virus.
On Work/School
i’m broken, this is so funnypic.twitter.com/x4Vnndxgt6
Car go space?
What a ridiculous question.
Get his asspic.twitter.com/CG3mCHKadn
Hitler is canceled.
You have to say Asian.
The repressed memories that come back during quarantine.
@duolingowtf is this?pic.twitter.com/l1LH94yph0
Quarantine is an amazing time to learn a new language, like straight-passing.
The definition of friendshippic.twitter.com/QsMXKLWYrT
Love to see small businesses supporting each other.
https://t.co/s9ZnG1tnGHpic.twitter.com/EGvI4yrbEe
A timeless classic.
pic.twitter.com/jQDB209Zbo
Laughed at this meme instead of sending any emails today.
Someone beat Hemingway’s challenge by a single word.pic.twitter.com/qtgzYo2zkK
A story for our time.
Went thru my son Ipad this morning pic.twitter.com/3UvWeWpY9n
How to hump under How to fight my dad?
Bodega cat working from homepic.twitter.com/etRzMk1lnm
Small businesses will find a way through this.
Brands learning there won’t be any pride festivals this summerpic.twitter.com/AxG2GjkKxY
Later homo.
FashionNova dont give AF.
Death, taxes, and Fashion Nova.
This old McDonald’s is now a farm.https://t.co/KvGxDD36LL
E-I-E-I-O.
Jane Austen will introduce a character like she was ugly.
Looks like comedian Marcia Belsky is using quarantine to reacquaint herself with some classic novels.
Rereading the Diary of Anne Frank.
She complains way less than we do.
Comedian Solomon Georgio providing another much-needed dose of perspective.
So it begins.pic.twitter.com/QzSL4luN0B
Where do you want to live in the new world order?
I call Munster (because of the cheese, of course).
Fox chyron writer keeps mistaking colons for commas.pic.twitter.com/BfSshQUwvS
A vital lesson on the importance of grammar and punctuation.
Ok who snitchedhttps://t.co/fDWiWMyhHFpic.twitter.com/X4ZxE10FCa
Do snitches still get stitches in the age of social distancing?
How would that work, logistically speaking?
Steps are so unpredictable these days.
Gone drop off for me Kekehttps://t.co/a1O2z2nmg7pic.twitter.com/N9J3ev1mx8
Someone get Keke into quarantine, ASAP.
coronavirus been putting in work since 2013 but nobody noticed.
She really put in the work.
