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I dont like poop jokes.
Having to use the bathroom is life or death to me and Im not laughing about it.
I am bravely living with IBS and lactose intolerance and absolutely refusing to adjust my diet or lifestyle accordingly.
Then when I awake in the night with a stomach ache I will earnestly wonder what went wrong.
How did we get here?
Im an idiot with a bad stomach and no ability to think critically.
I do not believe in listening to my body.
Screw that, Im not taking orders from bacteria.
People love to say that the human body is strong, beautiful, and resilient.
I get heartburn from eating tomatoes.
Im built different and not in a cool way.
The former refers to the traditional way that we measure time.
Seconds, minutes, hours.
Time passes chronologically, and we recognize it was such.
But the latter, Kairos, is a more qualitative understanding of time.
It is the understanding that certain moments come exactly when they are supposed to.
The right time or perfect timing.
In August of 2015, I went to Boston.
It was the summer between my sophomore and junior years in college.
So, we were in Boston.
I had eaten something absurd and uncalled for, as I am wont to do.
Everything I have ever done is embarrassing.
My stomach started cramping and I started sweating.
I ran to a nearby hotel and asked if they had a common area restroom.
Sometimes Im a genius.
At this point, I was close to pooping my pants, which a lesser man wouldnt admit.
Everything had come together exactly how it was supposed to.
There are a few steps I begrudgingly take these days to keep myself regular.
Which is a thing I dont fully understand but have heard enough people say that I decided to listen.
Perhaps most helpfully, I drinkvitaminwater zero gutsywhich has fiber and vitamins but doesnttastelike Im Being Good.
By the way, drinking vitaminwater instead of soda makes me an advanced and enlightened person.
An innovator in the health and lifestyle space.
A disruptor who does things a little differently.
But taking dumps will happen.
No matter how regular you are.
Its part of life, despite my numerous conversations with God.
So I will take each dump as it comes.
Embracing every bowel movement as its own Bowel Moment.
