Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
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and be the Queen of Hell.
(Is she not already, by birth, its princess?
Seems like were all making this harder than it needs to be!)
He is very cute!
We have to root for the men we have!
And hey, no judgment here.
Id probably keep that body, too.
Zelda and Hilda are running whatever is left of the Academy/Church of Night.
Like: Is there more to the coven than just the students at the Academy?
Dont any of these teens have parents?
Also, witches talk about hell as if it is their equivalent of heaven.
(A helpful person is a hellsend, for instance.)
But hell is still this awful place full of nightmare torture where nobody wants to end up.
So … do witches also have a heaven?
Why dowitchessuffer in hell if hell is really their heaven?
But, like mortals on an ill-advised quest to the underworld, we press on.
Sabrina wants to get her boyfriend back from hell.
Is that seriously what happens when Lucifer is out of commission?
Nobody can get hard in this magic kingdom?
What a weird, weird world.)
Using some real-deal voodoo mixed with blood magic, she reveals Blackwood is in Scotland.
I mean, Harvey is there, but she is essentially alone because he is useless.
Where will she put Lucifers body once she has it?
She has no idea.
Her planning skills are as abysmal as ever.
Wardwell the real one has returned to Greendale High and shes teaching the kids DantesInferno, naturally.
It is, because sure!
They could all die doing this, I guess, but no one seems too concerned about that.
Theyre just like, plucky and down for a field trip.
Maybe later this season?
What follows is an exceedingly long (this episode clocks in at nearly an hour!)
Its a lot of janky, Halloween-y nonsense.
She keeps Nicks tongue in a jar of formaldehyde.
And what she could really use is a formal coronation from Sabrina Morningstar, who is of royal blood.
Seems simple enough, so itll probably be a disaster.
Who should rule instead?
The beach demon, whose name is Caliban.
His platform: restore stability, conquer the Earth and make it the tenth circle of hell.
Not looking good for Greendale!
for a little father-daughter chat.
Its basic cosmology, he tells her.
He essentially says Lilith is unelectable.
Then Nick appears, also shirtless, to make out with Sabrina.
If Sabrina claims the throne, she can save her boyfriend.
She appoints Lilith as her regent and dismisses the infernal court.
Her friends stand there like dopey, useless bridesmaids.
Sabrina takes this lesson to heart by going back to Greendale and declaring her intentions to cheerlead.
How long before the aunts find out about Sabrinas extracurricular jaunt to hell?
