Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
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Okay, it took a couple episodes but we are in a GROOVE with this season.
So it turns out the twins, creatively named Judith and Judas, are with Blackwood.
What can I say?
My administration believes in transparency.
But here they are now, and what a relief!
Blackwood welcomes our latest terror: The Weird One.
The Weird One, as seems to be a theme, needs a warm host.
But Blackwood is too weak; the Weird One wants a superhost, a.k.a.
You know what that means: Cute boy, coming through.
Salem meows his disapproval, as do I. Prudence provides backup while wearing a stunning deep V and a perfect trouser.
Hecate, bless this fashion plate.
Anything else they can do to prepare?
Stay vigilant, dont freak out, but also freak out.
At this meeting, Roz tells Mama Mambo that she has the Cunning.
So much for Sabrina being the only special one in the group!
Bodes well for their burgeoning relationship, I say.
Best part of this is when Prudence is all, …do I know you?
and Roz has to say, Weve met like, five or six times???
Never change, Pru.
On the subject of new relationships: Hello, Lucas Hunt!
After some no-duh encouragement from Roz, Sabrina goes on a date with Lucas.
I love that Dreams, the hottest song of 2020, is playing in the background of this date!
They bond over existential crises and end the night with a very chaste kiss.
Through Lucas mouth comes the voice of the Weird:With your power we will consume all life.Sounds exhausting.
Tentacles emerge from Lucas not ideal!
and Brina somehow wakes up in her bathtub.
Does she report any of this to a trustworthy grown-up?
Good on you, Sabrina!
Only problem: The Weird has started to take over her body and she already has a tentacle-tongue.
Lucas, understandably, scurries away as fast as his swimmer legs can carry him.
Using a magical CAT scan (clever!)
Ambrose can see that Sabrinas only option is surgery.
What follows is veryAnnihilation-like and it doesnt even get the Terror out.
I am intrigued by this theme of the Eldritch Terrors really living and dying by hospitality.
After some extremely realistic vomiting sounds (A+ Kiernan Shipka) she barfs up the squid.
He assures her that her tongue is as cute and pink as ever.
I take back everything I said last episode about 16 being too young to get married.
Be with Nick forever, Sabrina!
Meanwhile in hell, Caliban is talking about how he just cant wait to be king.
There is a LOT of moaning and screaming.
There is ZERO epidural.
Zelda oversees the delivery of a son who Lillith names Adam and deems a perfect little devil.
They use Hecate to give these dweebs a mothers pain, which basically does them in.
He adorably agrees to keep dissecting squid with her.
So is Sabrina the strongest or the weakest?
The Weird tells her you were an empty vessel waiting to be filled.
Rude, but you know what?
Their solution to this problem is to… give Sabrinas brain all the diseases??!
Sabrina will need to have some inner strength, and a mantra that is hers and hers alone.
These are questions for another time.
The Rot Witch (a.k.a.
Goth witch) starts pummelling Sabrinas brain with diseases.
Sabrina holds fast to her little Nazi love song.
A red and black ball of energy comes bursting out of her mouth.
She reports that she is fine, via song.
Great work, everybody!
Does it totally check out that a creature called the Weird would have this effect?
Like maybe it would make more sense of this one to be the Searcher or something?
The next day, Sabrina learns that Lucas has transferred to Riverdale.
A+ red herring, writers ofCAOS, and honestly a valid choice by Lucas and his parents.
Then Sabrina pulls the plug on her build-a-boyfriend in the bathtub, having (finally!)
come to the realization that she needs to figure out who she is on her own.
Does this seem like a likely hierarchy to any of you?
Did Caliban loop Sabrina Morningstar in on his plans to kill Lillith and her baby?
Do
