Below Deck
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The saga of Kevins back pain reaches the unsurprising conclusion that … its fine.
The editors cut from Kevins open-mouthed moans to her humping her man in the hot tub.
She announces he has an erection.
Ashton witnesses this and laughs, Boatmances!
as he descends the stairs to the crew quarters.
Simone, down there, as usual, with the iron, asks who Ashtons talking about.
Ashton, who could have had the decency to say, Nobody!
says Tanner and Kate.
Simone says that if she knew Tanner was this terrible she wouldnt have gone there.
Then Ashton asks, Do you regret going there?
Lees expression softens with bemused satisfaction.
He may have to regularly eat dinner with televisions most insufferable people, but at least they worship him.
At dinner, the primary wears a large sparkly headband from Meghan Markles future Kohls line.
Kevin is mad because he thinks Kate is checked out.
But Kate says they never discussed gravy boats, and Kevin agrees, I know we didnt.
Whos checked out now?
The guests dont care and love the soup so much they joke about how fat Kevin is making them.
They make out a little and Courtney says she just missed Brian so much.
Simone and Kate clean up and Simone breaks a glass.
The next day, Tanner oversleeps, which Ashton says has become a habit.
He forgives him anyway.
This sends Rhylee, understandably, into a rage.
Because Tanners a dude and one of the boys, he gets away with murder, she says.
Back in La La Land, a.k.a.
Which is the exact question Rhylee continues to ask herself, but in the non-hashtag way.
All dried out, with rubbery black bottoms?
Courtney: No one should eat eight eggs.
Right, and no one should eat five, either.
Thats like one quiches worth of eggs.
Then the guests depart and tell the crew it was the best vacation theyve ever had.
The crew goes to eat lunch in the crew mess.
Tanner then gets up and sits at the counter where he can have elbow room.
Rhylee is offended and takes her plate into her room.
And Tanner laughs and says, I have to do it.
At the Thai market, Ashton notes, There are so many different smells.
Tanner: I just want a corn dog.
Then everyone starts eating insects.
Simone, Rhylee, and Kate eat scorpions in a moment of female solidarity.
Tanner derps over and Kate lets him lick the scorpion crumbs out of the bag.
Then Kevin buys fried crickets and some other insects.
These guys sure spend a lot of time talking about each others dicks.
Rhylee enters the fray.
She yells that the guys are misogynists, which they are.
Again, she should be done with Brian, because a yachtie is not the man for her.
Back on the boat, the guys settle in to drink with one another.
They tell Tanner he should go have sex with Kate.
Kevin says that Kate is probably up, given the amount of Coca-Cola and Cheetos shes been eating.
The yelling and carrying on rouses Captain Lee at 11:09 p.m.
He curses and goes to the deck wearing nothing but a pair of white workout shorts.
He tells everyone to go to bed.
Reflecting in his confessional, he says, Theyre still up kicking this dead horse.
Im madder than a pissed-on chicken.
