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Hello and welcome tothe Housewives Institute Bulletin.
I am your sister from another mister, Dame Brian Moylan, president and founder of the Housewives Institute.
Its been quite a few weeks here at the Institute.
Luckily, we had the new modern classicThe Housewife and the Hustlerto show in its stead.
Mention It All
Not all the news, but all the news you actually care about.
The newscomes fromVarietys Kate Aurthur, who breaks the best news in the Bravo-sphere.
Looks like someone finally let herout of her closet, much like Braunwyn!
Yes, Im talking about the lesbian trainer who was Tamras friend back on season six of the show.
Did you know that shes dating Braunwyn now?
This seems like aSlade Smileysituation.
Of all the people in Orange County to date, shes going to go foranothercast member?
Oh, sorry.Formercast member.
If Fernanda thought this was her way back on the show, this was clearly not the move.
While most of this is speculation,Larsa has confirmedthat she is returning.
These are all of their Instagrams, so let the stalking commence.
THE EYES HAVE IT: Jen Shah wants to have the case against her dismissed.
No, for realsies.
This seems to me to be the dog ate my homework of case dismissals.
Thiswhole articleis nuts and definitely worth your time.
I didnt want to have no freedom in my podcast.
At least well always have Bethennys podcast!
THE HILLS HAVE EYES:The rumors aroundSouthern CharmstarAusten Krolls dating life are getting hotter than aThomas Ravenelin church.
Apparently, Austens newest conquest isThe HillsstarKristin Cavallari.
That night, peoplespotted them out at Republic,Leva Bonapartes club, making out.
Maybe this is all an elaborate ruse todispel the rumorsthat hes datingSummer House Winter Charmco-starCiara Miller.
One person who will not be bothered by any of this is Austens ex,Madison LeCroy.
This past weekend, she posteda picture of her new boyfriend.
You know, Tom Bradys favorite boots.
Is this because she had an injury, or is this the worlds cruelest styling choice?
I guess well find out at the reunion.
GOOD NIGHT, GRACIE MANSION:RHONYone-season friendBarbara K.hasdropped out of the racefor NYC mayor.
They taught her how to play beer pong and flip cup, which she had never heard of before.
If that line confused me in 2015, it certainly keeps me up at night these days.
That was the whole bit.
So why didnt we notice?
The documentary follows the same timeline fromthe Los AngelesTimesinvestigation in December with a weaker critique ofReal Housewivesfranchises.
But it is something to see Toms alleged crimes unfold onscreen.
There are a couple of clips that will live rent-free in my mind for the rest of eternity.
The first is Tom in 1996, with a head of hair and a face free of liver spots.
Did anyone bother to watch the show before bringing them on?
Even a Google search would have been enough to know they arent the most reliable narrators.
She doesnt get much time onscreen, but why was she there at all?
She says shes seen Erika on the show and met her one or two times.
She also claims that Erika is the best [casting] since me.
Every time I saw her stretched-out face and two-toned hair, I cringed.
Danielle, there are people who are dying.
Just watchingRHOBH,I never thought of Tom as someone who represents disaster victims.
I knew him as Erikas much older husband who was in the Erin Brockovich case.
A capital L Lawyer.
We sue The Man.
You dont want tobeThe Man.
The courts will have to pry every sparkling ring off of her cold, manicured hands.
There wasnt much new information in the documentary, so the timing could be a coincidence.
But its not looking good for Erika.
As Karen Huger would say, Clankity, clank.
You might want to help your husband.
The Housewife and the Hustlerdefinitely explores the big questions on this season ofRHOBH.
Did Erika know and did her money come directly from these survivors?
Her (former) lawyers seem to think shes lying about the answer.
But being accountable for their role in real issues has never been a strength of theHousewivesuniverse.
(This conversation has been condensed, much like a nude model standing out in the cold.)
I was a lacrosse player, and I was in the best shape of my life.
It really caught on.
when they arrived at the space.
I wasnt, but then I did it.
I was the second nude butt in theTimes, or something like that.
Once that came out, every news agency did a thing and it blew up.
Since then, Ive done probably 2,500 nude modeling things.
I just did a weeklong intensive at the Art Students League with them sculpting my head.
Whats the difference between doing a formal art class and doing one like you did onRHONY?The gaze.
By the way, I want to add that I have done many parties for the LGBT crowd.
You have to let people be people and engage and have fun.
I was just doing this sculpture class, but the gaze of serious artists is much more intense.
I feel more exposed.
There was no backstage fluffing going on.
There was no inbetweenie.
That was just me.
Sometimes people give a shot to elicit it, and I have a no-touching policy.
You were modeling nude outdoors in the fall in New York.
If it was ice-cold out there, I might ask for a space heater, but it wasnt necessary.
Then this fall, Nicole slid into my DMs and said jump and I jumped.
She was fishing around.
Was this the first time you were nude on TV?No.
I did one forMob Wivesa couple of years ago for Big Ang.
They wanted to do something fun and special for her when she was sick.
I will never forget Big Ang saying [affects a Staten Island accent], A-big saus-eege.
I did one for Telemundo.
I did one for Meredith Vieira.
I knew [Housewives] would be a good fit.
Im inviting sassy one-liners and I want that energy.
I want to bring out the best part of that person, so its a seamless synergy.
Im there to pull out those funny things.
She was doing really beautiful stuff.
She has a good hand.
Nicole and Victoria, they have art skills.
Eboni did some good stuff.
Leah and Ramona bailed.
That is natural, for people to bow out.
Its usually because theyre holding onto something.
Most of the drawings were not great.There is nothing funnier than a hilarious caricature done in earnest.
Drawings can be funny and its okay to laugh at them and interrogate the nature of good and bad.
What some people think is incredible, I think is barely mundane.
I just want people to give it a try.
So, how can I ask this delicately?
Is being more well-endowed a prerequisite for the job?I would consult the ghost of Big Ang.
The women who run Artful Bachelorette were doing a segment for ABC and I was their model.
They were interviewing them behind the scenes and the women said, It just cant be comically small.
Come with something that is reasonable and appropriate for the circumstances.
But I expect the same consideration if youre a huge organization.
Whats most important to me in doing this is you show me your true colors.
Im interested in seeing someones true colors.
I think with Eboni, her bravery to step into that space was amazing.
I thought Sonja was just so fun; she killed the reveal.
I thought the Countess was such a gracious host.
I am so grateful to the Countess.
Im really grateful to Nicole and Victoria.
Just eating their lamb, just being in the house as they are graciously feeding me.
Im bored with intellectuals yelling at each other.
Im excited for the show and Eboni coming on to have fun and start kindling these conversations.
I feel if I can open people up in that way myself, I am happy about that.
The thing about racism, though, is that you cant meet it halfway.
You shouldnt meet it anyway.
There are someHousewivesfights where both parties are wrong.
No, I take that back.
InmostHousewivesfights, both parties are wrong.
She is colder than the Zima that is lodged in the corner of the Igloo.
She is colder than the best yo momma joke you ever heard.
She is colder than Princess Anne next time she runs into Meghan Markle at a family reunion.
He really learned from that one season and still probably hates Ryan Serhant likebees hate Jameela Jamil.
Shes just such a wonderful bitch.
But that doesnt mean shes closed off.
KimmyLane:Oh Lisa Rinna.
You are so caught.
Caughter than an 18th century parlor maid with the Lord.
Caughter than one of Sonja Morgans interns expiring under a pile of Wesson Oil in her basement.
Caughter than Bethennys texts to Page Six.
The fans dont like you and using a rapist as an analogy to the Denise situation from last year?
Im surprised you didnt melt in the heated waters upon Lake Taco.
Lisa Rinna
