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To be specific, I have made 11 friends.
All of them are supporting actors in my daily workout video, Jillian Michaels Body Revolution.
The fact that they are all in the workout video is a coincidence we would be friends anyway.
Ive found that fear is the only real motivator when you are four-depressed.
Jillians best quality is her randomly inspired, randomly directed rage.
Sometimes she looks at me sternly and says, Dont phone this in.
That makes me really, really mad.
Im talking to you.
I can see you.
Im not sure why I have to keep telling you this.
I will never Google them or find out anything about them.
Sometimes they moan, and Jillian mocks them for moaning.
Ill introduce them all now in order of how much I think about them.
She is unflappable; Ive never seen her upset.
She and Jillian seem to have unfinished business of some kind perhaps romantic, perhaps professional.
As a result, she is often made to do the hardest version of all of the exercises.
Mimi.Mimi is sort of the sidekick of the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution Cinematic Universe.
She is not as big of a character as Natalie, but she is definitely recurring.
At one point, Mimi mentions wanting to go out dancing.
Is she a dancer in real life, outside of the confines of the Jillian Michaels Fitness App?
And dont tell me.
David.David is the most gargantuan person I have ever seen.
Hes like a Greek myth come to life.
He should play Hercules on Broadway, and I would suggest that to him if our relationship allowed it.
and he just smiles, hugely.
He wears a lot of gray tank tops and is a bit emotionally detached for my liking.
Whenever Jillian is like, Kenta, add weights for this one, hes like, Okay.
What is Kenta up to?
One time, Kenta screamed, Oh God, during a workout.
Haley.Haley picks up threes sometimes when Jillian says to pick up eights.
She was a cheerleader in high school and extremely popular.
Her ponytail is curled at the bottom, so thats how I know this.
Every time Jillian addresses her directly, she laughs in a terrified manner.
What is Anita hiding?
Once he used the phrase allday.com to describe his commitment to working out.
Omar.Omar is in love with Ken.
He knows Ken is self-actualized and thats why he loves him.
Terri (Terri Ann?
).Terri (Ann?)
smiles a lot, sometimes to the point where I begin to worry.
I dont know if Terris name is Terri Ann or if I just imagined that.
If her name is Terri Ann, she escaped a difficult Republican upbringing.
If her name is Terri, her parents are neoliberal WASPs.
Either way, she has a complicated relationship with her parents.
Sari.Jillian doesnt say Saris name until workout eight, which is, frankly, insane.
Sari has a good spray tan.
And the woman replies, each time, Three.
Jillian looks directly at the camera.
THREE KIDS!!!
YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE!!
Yours could be that, or it could be totally different.
Its your coping mechanism, so I encourage you to go crazy with it.
