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I warn you: Youre not nostalgic for Disney Channel Original Movies.
Some of them hold up wonderfully or are at least great examples of Y2K fashion.
They are paced strangely and slowly and follow kid logic or, rather, a TV executivesideaof kid logic.
I say this from a place of love; I host aDisney Channel Original Movies podcast.
Like, for fun.
But if theatrical releases are Oreos, DCOMs are Hydrox.
Theyre their own thing.
Of course, there are exceptions.
The works of Disneys greatest living auteur, Kenny Ortega, for one.
The works of Raven Symone, for another.
The fantasy ones are hit or miss; the science-fiction ones usually slap.
So weve gone ahead and ranked all of them to help guide you through the catalog.
They need to learn their history.
They need to learn aboutSmart House.
105.Radio Rebel(2012)A DCOM so bad, Disney has more or less disowned it.
Thats right:16 WishesisnotDCOM canon.
104.Freaky Friday(2018)
This did not have to be done.
Why was this done?
It very much did not have to be.
There is nothing wrong with remaking a classic for a new generation.
Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis proved that when she remade the 1970s Jodie FosterFreaky Fridayfor the 2000s.
This 2018 version makes some grave mistakes, though.
For another, the leads are deeply unpleasant, though not for lack ofso much effort.
Cozi Zuehlsdorff is a semi-unpleasant lead.
Where Lindsay Lohan was punky and rebellious inFreaky Friday, Cozis Ellie is just sorta unhygienic and inconsiderate?
Lock this movie in the Disney Vault and then set the vault on fire.
As the decades rolled on, the movies started to get wayworsewhen it came to gender.
Sarah Hyland plays popular girl Dylan, who is a grating affectation machine.
about how sushi is yucky raw fish.Heathershas better teen role models, and its about murder.
Disney was really trying to make theHannah Montanasidekick and sibling to Haley Joelhappen,you know?
Its as unpleasant as that sounds.
Mummies just arent vampire or mermaid-tier monsters.
97.Hatching Pete(2009)The tagline is Cock-a-doodle-WHO??
and its the best thing about this movie.
96.The Other Me(2000)Andrew Lawrence clones himself and Im thoroughly bored.
95.Can of Worms(1999)Heres what I liked aboutCan of Worms:Puppets.
A talking dog with a C-3P0 accent.
94.Alley Cats Strike(2000)Disney Channel has made movies about every possible sport.
Some sports warrant multiple movies, like how every other DCOM is about basketball.
Lots of Disney Channel Original Movies feature food fights or people falling into goop.
The goop can range from frozen yogurt to mud, Jell-O to alien slime.
Here, its a vat of chocolate in a chocolate factory.
I assume this is a reference to the Jokers origin story?
Most Disney sitcoms are about teens with powers and/or double lives.
This is far too thin a premise.
Brown with Sara Paxton was so rude I dont even want to finish this sentence.
Watching this made me wonder: How many DCOMs take place on a tropical island?
89.Invisible Sister(2015)Rowan Blanchard turns her popular older sister invisible.
Then they have to switch places?
Its too similar a premise to Katherine HeiglsWish Upon a Star,which youll read more about shortly.
It is also about basketball.
87.Phantom of the Megaplex(2000)This ones a classic, but its so, so strange.
His passion is not for movies but for managerial skills, spreadsheets, and ordering people around.
One fateful night, when important movie execs are there, a Phantom of the Megaplex sows chaos.
The phantom turns out to be Mickey Rooney, and its kind of sad to watch, honestly?
85.Frenemies(2012)This movie stars Zendaya and Bella Thorne; therefore, it should be a masterpiece.
84.Motocrossed(2001)When a red-state DCOM doesnt even have pretty horsies?
Honey, what is thepoint.
But also, their wizard-dad (not their adopted Muggle-Dad) is dead but also trapped in shadow-land.
Spoiler alert, but theres a happy ending where the annoying servant-sidekicks get married and dont kiss.
Despite watching it, I can barely tell you what actually happens.
The Wikipedia page says thatTwitches Toohad a $26.5 million budget.
Not a dollar went to the special effects.
This is undeniably true.
But a tiny Emmy Rossum is the love interest, and she figure-skates, and thats fun.
80.Quints(2000)A very early DCOM that asks, What if there were five babies?
Brown ofHalloweentownfame narrates the whole thing in aClarissa Explains It Allstyle fourth-wall break.
I never thought Id say this, but: Five babies is too darn many.
That is, until they trade places.
Now were stuck watching Katherine Heigl play a dork.
In fact, its what a DCOMshoulddo, we say.
77.Zapped(2014)Zendayas phone can control boys!
This is one of those DCOMs likeYou Lucky DogorBad Hair Daythat has way too much grown-up business.
Also, Brandon Baker was adorable as the plucky lead.
The sequel was filmed an inexplicable eight years later, and finds Johnny … mudboarding?
Im good, luv.
In contrast, thePhineas and Ferbmovie feels like a supersized episode ofPhineas and Ferb.
Which is good news forPhineas and Ferbfans, which Im sure many of you are!
Its about the boys discovering the truth about Perry the Platypus.
72.Gotta Kick It Up!
(2002)This one had so much potential.
69.Zenon: The Zequel(2001)NOBODYreplaces Raven.
The Pentagon gets involved.
Also, Centineos name is Jaden Stark.
67.Zombies(2018)Zombies live on the rough side of town.
Humans go to a preppy school where they follow the rules and fear the zombies.
What happens when the zombies go to human school?
Love and musical numbers!
66.Descendants(2015)Disney villains live on the bad side of town.
Good guys go to a preppy school where they follow the rules and fear the villains.
What happens when the villains go to good-guy school?
Love and musical numbers!
But unlike the deteriorating-flesh monsters, this franchise only gets better with time.
64.Starstruck(2010)A celebrity superstar falls in love with just a regular girl.
The celebrity superstar is played by Sterling Knight, who looks like a wax figure.
His sidekick is played by Brandon Mychal Smith, a.k.a.
Sam fromYoure the Worst,who elevates every Disney Channel product he touches.
This movie is very just fine.
It will roll right off your quarantine-smoothed brain like water off a ducks back.
This film mostly stuck with me from childhood because theres a scene where God(?)
shows him a glimpse of heaven(???)
I understand the message it is trying to impart, but that doesnt make it not scary.
And thats a good thing!
Still, there are better snowboarding movies on this list.
Kristi Yamaguchi cameos as herself.
Theres a Brie Larson song on the soundtrack.
Why is hockey such a mainstay in so many DCOMs?
60.Minutemen(2008)This DCOM about time-traveling teens gave us Like whoa from Aly & AJ.
It also gave us Nicholas Braun in a leather jacket on a motorcycle.
It is about a teen magician competition.
But its also a teen magician competition reality series.
I take it back.
Its not too many hats.Morehats, hey!
Also: Larry Houdini.
56.Den Brother(2010)A hockey-loving teen (because what else?)
becomes a Girl Scout troop leader to make it win the affections of the popular girl.
The rival scout-leader mom is a perfectly played-to-11 villain in an otherwise sweet, low-key movie.
Make sense?No?
She soothes a skittish horse using noise-canceling headphones.
Theres an evil-colonizerresort-developer subplot.
An average, powerless tween deals with his family of superheroes whose only weakness is tinfoil.
Finn Wittrock plays the love interest!
This is the lastHalloweentownmovie with the dream team of Debbie Reynolds and Kimberly J.
Brown, though, so its a significant milestone in DCOM history.
46.Descendants 2(2017)The sequel toDescendantsreplaces Kristen Chenoweth with an actual lizard(?)
And These movie characters dont know what a phone is!
jokes dont make me laugh quite as hard as these Gen-Zers dont know who Gidget is!
jokes, because the former are done to death and the latter are patently insane.
I admire howTeen Beach 2commits to its high-stakes ending for the leads.
The kids elicit a big shrug, but the adults are fun.
The 1999 special effects on his mertail and his glamorous telepathic mermom are icing on the mercake.
40.Kim Possible Movie: So the Drama(2005)Nowthisis how you do a feature-lengthKimPossibleDCOM.
39.The Even Stevens Movie(2003)
Tim(!)
Goddamn(!!)
Meadows(!!!
Its not a perfect DCOM by a long shot, but kudos for ambition.
Raven Symone left the project, though, and her absence is certainly felt.
In 2003, they starred in a movie about the kind of drag race I dont normally go for.
But hey, the cars vroom-vroom real fast, and as withFord v. Ferrari,that counts for something.
35.Cow Belles(2006)Mid-aughts power sibs Aly and A.J.
Michalka play dairy heiresses who have to learn about responsibility by doing farm work.
This fun, frivolous response toThe Simple Lifehas an Aly & A.J.
soundtrack thatdoslappeth, a cow-birth, and a hunky farmhand.
Its … totally fine!
Theres a laughably bad rap-battle scene that bumps this up a few spots.
(And theywere30 when the sequel came out.
)The characters act like teens, and the plot feels so much more like teenage wish fulfillment.
As a Harry Potterobsessed tween, I remember likingTwitchesa whole lot.
And thats who its for, after all, even if its about adults.
32.Eddies Million Dollar Cook-Off(2003)A classic, this was a classic.
Fourteen-year-old Eddie has to balance his love of baseball with his passion for cooking.
Hes the star player on a ragtag Little League team that has acollege scoutcoming to visit it.
Watch this while youre teaching your kids to cook on Week 200 of quarantine.
Brandon Mychal Smith steals scenes yet again as a rival rapper.
Austin Butler plays an NYU student who follows her around with a camera, because thats Disney Channels No.
1 favorite romantic trope.
For better or worse, this is the sort of high camp DCOM that I like.
I watch movies like this and say This is good out loud.
Feels like it, but its worth it.
27.Ring of Endless Light(2002)Mischa Barton can talk to dolphins in this masterpiece.
Lots of funny cutaway stuff with Kevin, too.
25.Camp Rock(2008)
ButCamp Rockoriginal flavor ultimately has the upper hand.
A peanut-obsessed mad scientist named Dr.
Carver voiced by Arsenio Hall?I mean!!!!!!!
mayor(??).
Pairs well with fun-size candies and rainy weather.
Its very much in the spirit of the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland: Its Babys First Macabre Memento Mori.
Dove Cameron gets transformed into an old crone.
Son of Beast turns into an effects-makeup nightmare of a demi-beast.
The gay undertones between the sons of Jafar and Gaston are overtones.
Mulan becomes captain of the school fencing team.
Bobby Moynihan voices a talking dog named Dude.
There is a teen wedding.
May Kenny Ortega continue to direct wacky shit forever and ever.
18.Lemonade Mouth(2011)Hayley Kiyoko!
Whats their revolutionary cause?
Saving the lemonade machine in the school basement!
It lands them injail,folks.
This movie is played so earnest that it will win you over if you let it.
Its streets ahead ofCamp Rock,even without Demis star power.
Unlike some other sports-centric DCOMs,Jump Inis fun to watch because competitive double Dutch is mesmerizing.
And unlike other DCOMs in general, the performances and filmmaking are actually good.
Its a DCOM thats not afraid to goallllllthe way there.
And what a role it was!
Its my favorite formula, which is to say, theBuffyone.
There is a chair shaped like a giant stiletto and too much fabulous early-2000s tech.
They do this by reenacting theBuffyepisode where everyone is turned into their Halloween costumes.
LikeUncut Gemsafter it,Full-Court Miracledares to ask the question: Whatisit with Jewish boys and basketball?
10.Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century(1999)
Zoom, zoom zoom!
to pre-FaceTime FaceTime with a cute Earth boy.
Therealfrighteningly vast frontier where no one can hear you scream, at least inZenon,is Vancouver.
9.High School Musical 2(2007)Bet On It.
What Time Is It?
(Summer Time).
The bops simply refuse to stop inHigh School Musical 2.Some might even say they bop … to the top.
The movie is so much more heightened and ridiculous than the first.
The bright swimming-pool blues and golf-course greens are a damn near assault on the eyes.
Its so much fun.
8.Cheetah Girls(2003)Galleria.
These arent the names of upscale outdoor malls.
They arent the cast of a newReal Housewivesoffshoot.
The firstCheetah Girlsis surprisingly more grounded than you might remember.
Dorinda lies about being a foster child.
Aqua … is from Texas and is scared to ride the subway.
7.Stuck in the Suburbs(2004)More!
Theres also a B-plot about trying to preserve the one historic house in the bland suburb.
6.Cheetah Girls 2(2006)
Cheetah Girls 2feels fabulously, deliriously expensive for a DCOM.
Also, its produced by Whitney Houston.As in, Whitney Houston!
5.Pixel Perfect(2004)Every single episode ofBlack Mirrorwants whatPixel Perfecthas.
The songs are earworms that will stick with you for 16 years.
Lorettas post-human perfection includes doing impossible backflips and choreo onstage.
Hilary and Christy are giants of Disney Channel lore.
Theres a reason why this one was a sleepover favorite and a core text of queer-girl canon.
LeVar Burton directed this!
while swishing multiple scarves.
DCOMs stumble when they aspire to things they can never truly be, like real or cool.
