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Just when you think the world cant get any worse … it does.
A strategy I, for one, was very much here for.
Remember this gem from Valentines Day.
Just look at this.
A smooch for charity just six weeks ago on Valentines Day.
PDA for a good cause?
And now the two are apparently no more.
Which means there is an important shared asset we must discuss.
The infamous sex bench.
Who gets the sex bench?
But that wouldnt be the queer-lady-ex thing to do.Sharingthe sex bench would be the queer-lady-ex thing to do.
(If you know, you know.)
Both parties hereby agree to fully sanitize the sex bench prior to each scheduled handoff.
The bench will be delivered to each partys home no later than 10 a.m. on the designated delivery day.
(Texts may also be exchanged by either partys assistant or manager.)
Ms. Benson will be entitled to the sex bench for the first two weeks of each month.
Ms. Delevingne will be entitled to the sex bench for the second two weeks of each month.
The parties will observe ten federal holidays each year.
Pride will be considered an additional 11th holiday.
Parties will predetermine their holiday schedule within the first two weeks of each new year.
Should the parties then sever again, an entirely new contract will be required.
