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1.Pete introduced himselfas a total unit.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them!
Jess told Rob their babies would have blue eyes just hours after meeting him.
Jess didnt know how much tequila to put in a margarita.
Thankfully, the guests didnt mind her strong pour.
Pete started callingMalia, his boss, sweetheart on day one.
Lara and Hannah started arguing not even 12 hours into the first charter.
6.Neither Kiko, nor Lara, nor Jessknew what eggs over easy meant.
Now how many of them made it through the season?
Hannah and Lara had a blowup overcrewdishes, culminating in Hannah telling Lara, Lady, dont touch me!
What was that about Lara not having time to argue?
Lara insinuated that she could run interior better than Hannah two days into the season.
Malia threatened to demote Pete from lead deckhand during the first charter.
Lara had a meeting with Hannah just to tell Hannah she was pissing her off.
And Sandy was able to deal with the situation for all of, what, six hours?
11.Hannah shit-talked Lara to Maliaon their first night out within earshot of Lara.
Lara left the morning of the second charter.
After she told Sandy, she wouldnt even get back on the boat.
Was she ever really even there anyway?
Ace of Base guitarist Ulf Ekberg, a possible former neo-Nazi, was a charter guest.
14.Bravo fired Petefor racist and misogynist social-media posts.
After promising to minimize Petes presence,Bravo barely cut Pete outofthe next episode.
Pete broke a bunch of glass and made a mess of the crews first beach picnic.
At least we got a new villain.
By the second charter, Sandy was already calling Jess out for problems with the laundry.
18.Bugsy returned as Laras replacement.
Primary guest Justin Thorntons friend Leon didnt get his oysters.
Hannah went to bed at 6:30 a.m. the first night of Justin Thorntons charter.
And you wonder why she had the Valium and CBD!
21.Justin Thornton invited four friendsto his six-course dinner, making that 12 guests and 72 plates for poor Kiko.
Shameless Pete sexually harassed Bugsy after her first charter onboard.
But Pete apologizing to Bugsy if he said anything uncomfortable is sign No.
Jess smashed her finger in a door and broke it.
24.One of the charter guests was vegan.
Kiko ran out of those magic mushrooms the guests kept wanting.
And he put off dinner until more arrived: a few measly cartons of white button mushrooms?
27.Jess couldnt understand Bugsys accent and started a fight with Bugsy over it, something she cant control.
Sandy helpfully told Jess she just needed to adjust her ears.
Sandy told Hannah she seemed resigned after their fourth charter.
Although not fired, yet.
30.Malia had to rescue a guest!
(But everyone was fine.)
Hannah told Kiko to make truffle fries and nachos for his Vegas dinner instead of shrimp cocktail and bruschetta.
Kiko took this as instruction to fry everything he could find in the galley.
The guests somehow survived the night.
32.Sandy didnt even have to fire Kikobecause he offered to leave after that deep-fried nightmare.
Then he cried himself to sleep.
Sandy had the nerve to ask Kiko to keep cooking after he was effectively fired.
And Kiko, like the hero that he is, did.
Rob told Jess I love you after, what, three weeks?
Malia rapped for the guests.
She treated herself to curry and TV in bed instead.
Hannah was too sick to go to the beach club on the crews day off.
Malia rallied for cabin changes when the person who arranges cabins was conveniently absent.
Hannah told Malia she wouldnt change cabins because she and Bugsy didnt want to room with each other.
Of course, Malia went to Sandy, and, of course, Sandy said yes.
But tell me again about maritime law?
And she followed Hannah to the bathroom like she was going to flush some Valium!
At least Hannah left with her Valium.
Tom served three meats for his first meal, one of which was veal.
The Martinezes kept forcing the crew to move the foot-long dildo they brought on charter.
Tom had to make a chocolate cake with only half a days notice.
Sure, it looked pretty, but it had more anger in it than any cake should.
Dont be one then.
And during it all, Robcalled someone bru.
Rob decided to go to Bali with Jess and wanted to make a big deal out of telling her.
Then he had Bugsy plan the whole thing for him.
This time, he wouldnt even have Hannah around, but at least Aesha came back.
Tom couldnt understand baseball.
Robs ex-girlfriend started texting him, putting him in a mood in front of the rest of the crew.
Shanna, a friend of Johnny Damons wife, Michelle, accused Michelle of wearing Spanx.
Michelle then accused Shanna of having a fucking annoying voice.
58.Jess had heart palpitationsafter going out on a Jet Ski.
Rob overslept, then went on about how its not okay to oversleep.
Rob then messed up throwing the lines three times while docking.
Everyones allowed to make a mistake, he told Malia after he heard her gossiping to Bugsy.
But she corrected him he made three mistakes.
Rob talked to Aesha.
Jess registers this as flirting.
Jess and Rob argued at dinner because Rob couldnt remember something.
The rest of the crew just watched and murmured about them.
64.Rob and Jess argued againthe next morning, with Rob telling Jess that maybe hes not enough for her.
Primary guest Eric Cotsens preference sheet said he likes his coffee like his women: hot.
The bow thrusters stopped working for a few minutes.
If only we knew what that meant!
The crew lost to the guests in ultimate frisbee and had to wear Speedos at dinner.
Or, a bigger sign: The guestswantedto play ultimate frisbee with the crew.
Sandy woke Tom up to cut a cucumber.
When Malia told them to stop, they couldnt have looked more guilty.
Sandy bugged Tom in the galley the day after she woke him up to cut that cucumber.
But lets not forget that Tom was still mad a day later about one cucumber.
Eric joked that he wasnt tipping the crew.
After they played ultimate frisbee with him!
At dinner, Bugsy says theres no sexual tension between her and Alex.
(Meanwhile, Jess and Rob were consummating their boatmance back on theWellington.)
Tom got warm seafood from the provisioners, but Malia was the one to go to Sandy about it.
75.The provisioners gave Tom frozen fish, and he yelled at Captain Sandy about it.
One of our mom guests came aboard with a broken arm from … parkour.
Rob talked to one of the guests while treating her jellyfish sting, which Jessalsomistook for flirting.
Notice that this does not say Aesha touched Robs ass because thats not what happened.
After all that outing confusion, Sandy and Malia seemingly made up and united aroundshit-talking Hannah some more.
80.Rob assured us he has a sensitive bumand wouldve noticed someone touching it.
Rob told Jess shes jealous and overreacting.
Too many preference sheets.
83.There was a looong groundlinein the way of the boats final docking.
The last batch of charter guests were at the same club as the crew.
Rob left with Jess and went to Bali, hours after telling her he was going on the crossing.
Aesha fullyquit yachtingafter finishing her two weeks on theWellington.
Malia, meanwhile,might becoming back for season six.
And we thought this season was bad?
