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This article originally ran in 2020 and has been updated to include Bruce Willis latest straight-to-VOD titles.
It is yet another mostly forgettable genre film that has been Willisstock in trade since 2011.
Since this ranking was last revised this past September, five more have been released.
None are doing his legacy any favors.
At this point, these films are almost their own genre.
But why ask why?
You like Bruce and youve got 90 minutes to kill.
you’re free to do worse than, say,Fire With Fire.
Enjoy them, if you dare.
27.Murder in the Switchgrass(2021)
Bruce is an inessential worker here.
26.AirStrike(2018)
An alternate title for this World War II Chinese propaganda film isThe Bombing.
(Insert your own joke here.)
This is his watch.
This is his watch.
I know;Pulp Fiction, right?
Here, Bruce really doesnt seem to give an actual fuck.
How about that title, though?
Reportedly, Bruces scenes were filmed in one day.
Whatever; something is wrong when Bruce Willis isnt convincing as a cop.
Hes in five of them.
The Pardoner has gotten ahold of the vaguely named Project 725, which was developed by Bruces high-tech company.
If the gadget should fall into the wrong hands, yada yada yada.
But Bruce is not allowed any fly-in-the-ointment heroics.
As Bruce says inMarauders another of these movies, but better Id ask if I gave a fuck.
If you smell a rat, then little of what transpires will surprise you.
Bruce plays the docs dad, a retired cop.
There are too-on-the-nose nods toward Bruces new status as the On-Demand King.
decides to kill his two partners in crime and take $5 million in diamonds for himself.
50 Cent (!!)
stars as Sonny, who survives the betrayal and is hell-bent on revenge.
The diamonds belong to mob boss Bruce, the most ruthless, cold motherfucker youll ever meet.
Steve Guttenberg cameos as her physician, because why not?
13.Assassination of a High School President(2009)
Forget it, Funke.
A put-upon high-school sophomore and aspiring journalist tries to parlay a hot story about stolen SATs into Northwestern admittance.
Lydia Hull gets her showiest role yet as Bruces icy, Terminator-like enforcer.
She deftly pulls off what every B-movie villain strives for: a slo-mo explosion walk-away.
11.American Siege(2022)
Its been ten years since Brigit Baker disappeared.
Her former boyfriend is sprung out of prison and immediately hooks up with the cold case girls siblings.
Things break bad from there.
Anna Hindman, as Brigits embittered sister, acquits herself nicely.
Cigarettes, she scoffs, aint gonna be what kills me.
This is not the best look for Bruce.
His abbreviated screen time limits him to standing around outside the house.
At one point, someone encourages Bruce to at least act like you give a shit.
He probably should have listened.
ThisTakenripoff would have probably been calledTook.
So when Jason goes looking for his missing and messed-up daughter, Bruce is determined to find her first.
About an hour in, John Cusack shows up as a Jason ally.
It makes for a nice break from asking, Whats Bruce Willis doing in this?
to inquire, Whats John Cusack doing in this?
and threatens to flood the town if the officers dont come clean.
Which means Bruce gets to growl orders like, Bring me the welder.
(I can only hope at one time this movie was titledThe Welder).
Do you have a preschool?
he asks after noticing her baby bump.
Well, you gotta get on that.
Schaech gets his most dramatic role in these films as a compromised cop with a cancer-stricken wife.
Survivors board a shuttle for New Earth.
Higher production values and a seemingly more engaged Willis make thisAlien/TheThingretread a cut above as far asAlien/TheThingretreads go.
6.Apex(2021)
In thisMost Dangerous Gameretread, Bruce is the prey to six wealthy hunters.
A hologram hostess (did I mention this is set in the future for some reason?)
informs them that Bruce may be the greatest prey any of them have faced.
Hes broken laws they havent thought of, she states.
Pardon my French, but the man is a motherfucker.
Neal McDonough is Bruces most formidable opponent, a psychopath who considers himself the pinnacle of civilized man.
Laughs Bruce, Youre an idiot.
Not exactly Yippe-kay-yay but well take it.
He finds dad living in a so-called retirement community that is suspiciously heavily-guarded and security-fenced.
Turns out dad did not sell MRIs to hospitals; he was with the CIA.
But he can still muster the gravitas, as when his confused son asks what the bad guy wants.
Me, Bruce growls.
This is the first in a trilogy.
Cult character-actor aficionados may stream this solely for Brad Dourifs cameo as an ill-fated sheriff.
DOnofrio wants Bruce to lay off and makes all kinds of threats.
2.PreciousCargo(2016)
This one delivers as a guilty pleasure.
Mark-Paul Gosselaar has a Ryan Reynoldsian lovable-rogue thing going for him here, and aMr.
Bruce is the titular California citys only licensed detective.
John Goodman is his sad-sack best friend, a surf-shop owner in the throes of a divorce.
